


Family Ties

by XenaFan74656



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, First Time, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XenaFan74656/pseuds/XenaFan74656
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maura's been away from Boston for a year, but now she's coming home leaving Jane with a lot of things to figure out. And Maura has brought back a surprise of her own. This departs from canon directly after the season two episode 'He ain't heavy, he's my brother' which ends with Maura choosing not to date Tommy because she loves Jane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a couple of quick notes... I'm in the process of watching 'Rizzoli and Isles' for the first time and I'm only part way through season 2 so this fic departs from cannon after that. Also, apologies for any British English words which slip in - I'm from the UK and writing in a 'Boston voice' is surprisingly difficult! There may be an occasional 'sofa' instead of 'couch' etc that I miss when proof reading...

Korsak was laughing at me.  
‘What?’ I looked up from my desk and tried to fix him with a glare. The best I could manage was something which wasn’t quite a smile. Nothing could dampen my mood today.  
‘You’re grinning,’ he said. ‘You’re investigating a triple homicide with a particularly grizzly crime scene and you’re grinning like a lovesick schoolgirl.’  
‘I’m allowed to smile, aren’t I?’  
‘Sure, but this is a perp who murders people using kitchen equipment. A potato peeler featured prominently. Not exactly grinning material.’  
I tried to ignore him and went back to staring at my case notes. Staring. Not reading. I hadn’t been focused enough to actually read anything all afternoon.  
Korsak wasn’t finished. ‘This leads me to believe that you’re not thinking about the Potato Peeler Bandit…’  
‘Potato Peeler Bandit? Korsak, that’s tasteless.’  
He ignored me. ‘You’re excited she’s coming home, aren’t you/’  
‘No…’ I started to protest, but I knew the grin on my face was plain for all to see.  
‘You guys are so sweet…’  
Feeling myself flush red, I threw an empty paper coffee cup at him. Still laughing, he stood and headed for the door. Just before he left, Korsak turned back and looked at me with the strangest expression on his face. ‘I hope she knows how lucky she is, having someone like you. I’ve been married three times and none of my wives have ever looked at me the way you look at her.’  
‘Korsak, we’re not…’ I began, but he’d already left the room.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truth is, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this excited. Maura was coming home tonight. She’d left a year ago, right after my brother asked her out. She’d been offered a fancy job in Europe and she’d spent the last year heading up the pathology lab for the British police in London. She’d picked up the faintest hint of a British accent which I intended to tease her about mercilessly, she’d started saying ‘pavement’ instead of ‘sidewalk’, ‘lift’ instead of ‘elevator’ and she’d taken to carrying an umbrella with her at all times in case of sudden rainstorms. Her anecdotes were full of afternoon tea and London buses and colleagues with names like Nigel. And police officers who didn’t carry guns. She’d talked about that a lot. I don’t know how I’d feel without my gun; vulnerable, I guess.  
And now she’s coming back permanently. Back to her old house, her old job, everything. When she left, it broke me. I didn’t expect to react how I did, but, night after night, I cried myself to sleep in Ma’s arms like I was five years old again. Ma was still living in Maura’s guesthouse, having refused the offer of the main house for the year. Some nights I went to see her and let myself into the main house to stare forlornly at one of Maura’s coats or an empty pair of shoes she’d left behind. I took to talking to Bass, who Ma was looking after, pretending that he missed Maura as much as I did. Some nights, I slept in her bed, clutching one of her old shirts in my hands, kidding myself that it still smelt of her. We talked still, texted daily, skyped weekly, but different time zones and a thousand miles fo Atlantic Ocean stretched between us. I just heard her anecdotes now, I didn’t live them with her, and the people she spoke of had unfamiliar names.  
Part of me hated her for leaving. It was irrational, but it was there. After all, she wasn’t my partner. I had no claim on her, but resentment still burned strong. And she had never told me why she’d left. Not really. She hadn’t said why she was coming back either beyond vague reasons like the miserable British weather and I hadn’t asked her too many questions about it. Resentment aside, I was just happy to have her home.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Boston International Airport was crowded and I was tempted to use my badge to get to the front of the crowd in the arrivals lounge, In the end, I did it the old-fashioned way with nothing but a pair of pointy elbows to help me.  
Her flight from Heathrow had just landed and the room was filled with British accents, weary from long hours of travelling, and American voices looking for the relatives and friends come to greet them.  
And that was when I saw her. Maura, hair a little longer than I remembered, clad in a figure hugging dark pink dress, a pair of sunglasses on her head, a suitcase being pulled along behind her. Immaculate as always. Beautiful as always. I couldn’t help myself then. I was running. I don’t run, not unless it’s after a perp, but, there I was, running, and then she was running too, suitcase clattering to the ground behind her as she dropped it in her excitement. We collided and her arms were around me, holding me tight against her and I was clinging back just as hard. My chin was on her head and I breathed in the scent of her perfume mixed with another scent which was uniquely her. There were tears in my eyes which I hastily tried to blink away.  
Her hands were running up and down my back and she was whispering my name, her own tears bringing a catch into her voice. After a couple of minutes, we pulled away from each other but only far enough to see each other’s faces. I kept a firm grip on her arms, just above the elbows and her hands were on either side of my waist, fingers stroking my sides.  
‘Welcome home,’ I said and, on an impulse, I ducked my head down and kissed her on the forehead. It was something I’d never done before and I was worried that she’d flinch and pull away, but she didn’t. Instead, she stepped towards me again, pulling me into another hug. ‘I’m so sorry I left you,’ she said.  
I shushed her, not wanting anything to spoil this moment. ‘I’m just happy you’re back.’  
‘Me too,’ she said, grinning up at me.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I haven’t seen Ma this happy in ages. Like she keeps saying, her family’s back together again. Tommy and Frankie are sat on the floor of Maura’s living room, while Ma lounges in one of the armchairs. Maura herself is next to me on the sofa. And that’s what’s making the family complete. Maura. She’s one of us. She has been for a while. Having her next to me just feels right, like I’m home again, like I’m complete again. She’s leaning on me, her head on my shoulder, her arm linked through mine, our fingers intertwined. Frankie and Tommy keep shooting strange glances at our joined hands, but I don’t care and there’s no way I’m letting go. Maura was like this through dinner too, her foot had pressed against mine under the table the whole time and I hadn’t moved away.  
‘How was England?’ Ma asks. And I realise we haven’t actually talked about England yet. We’ve all been too busy talking about what we’re going to do now she’s back and we have a doctor in the family again.  
‘It was…’ Maura hesitates. ‘Wet.’  
At that, we all laugh. ‘I’m glad to be back,’ she continues. ‘It was an interesting experience and everyone there was very welcoming, but I realised that my family is here.’  
‘Is Constance back in town then?’  
Maura shakes her head. ‘Constance is obviously my family too, but the majority of my family is here,’ and she looked around at us all a little shyly.  
I couldn’t help myself. I put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me in a hug. She pressed up against me willingly, turning her face into my shoulder for a moment and bringing her arms up and around me, squeezing me hard. Over her shoulder, I could see Ma looking at us, eyes narrowed.  
‘Didn’t fall in love with Prince William then?’ Frankie asked with a laugh.  
‘I didn’t actually have the opportunity to meet any of the Royal family,’ Maura said, turning her face back to the room, but staying snuggled up against me. I kept my arms around her as well. ‘Although, my mother and Camilla do have a number of mutual friends.’  
I realised how much I’d missed her literal way of thinking. ‘I think Frankie was asking if you have a handsome British boyfriend.’ For some reason, my heart started to beat faster as I said it.  
She giggled like a schoolgirl on the word ‘boyfriend’ and shook her head. ‘No, no. I’m footloose and fancy free.’ Relief shot through me and I tried not to think too much about why I felt like that. She should be free to date whoever she wanted. Except I always hated the men she dated, even when they were nice men.  
Frankie was eyeing us sceptically and seemed about to say something. Ma saw him go to speak and cut him off. ‘Come on boys,’ she said. ‘It’s late and we should let Maura sleep. She must be jet-lagged.’  
After a fresh round of hugs, Ma and the boys made their way back to the guesthouse, leaving Maura and I standing by the door. She was yawning and trying her best to hide it. ‘I should go too,’ I said even though the thought of being parted from her again was torture.  
Her face fell. ‘I was hoping you might stay,’ she said in a small voice. ‘Although I understand that you probably need to get home…’  
Hastily, I shook my head ‘I would love to stay.’ I pulled her into a hug again. I couldn’t seem to get enough of hugs this evening. After a moment, she pulled away from me and led me up the stairs. When we passed the guest room, she didn’t stop.  
‘Shouldn’t I sort my bed out?’ I said, gesturing at the empty room.  
She turned back towards me, an unreadable expression on her face. ‘please stay with me,’ she whispered. ‘In my room. I don’t want to be alone.’  
‘Of course,’ I said and followed her down the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Maura was in the bathroom and I was feeling a bizarre kind of embarrassment. We were so familiar with each other, before she’d left, we’d been in each other’s space constantly, but this was uncharted territory. We’d only ever accidentally shared a bed before, when we’d fallen asleep while talking or when we’d both been a little on the tipsy side. Never like this though; never intentionally and stone cold sober. I wasn’t sure what was making me uncomfortable exactly. I just knew that I was suddenly hyper aware of my own body and convinced I looked ridiculous in the pyjamas she’d lent me. Other thoughts were flitting across my mind too; why hadn’t I shaved my legs that morning? Why hadn’t I done something with my hair? And why on earth did that matter? This was Maura, my friend. I didn’t have to care what I looked like around her. Except I did.  
She came out of the bathroom then in baby blue cotton pyjamas and something about that sight made my heart leap into my throat. My stomach was doing strange things too and I knew I was staring at her.  
‘Jane?’ She asked, sounding a little unsure herself. ‘Is this ok? It’s just, I haven’t seen you for so long and I didn’t want to be apart. Say if that makes you uncomfortable though and we’ll make up the guest room.’  
I was almost tempted to say it did just to get rid of those damn butterflies in my stomach, but the truth was I didn’t want to leave her either. Particularly not now when she was looked up at me like some kind of disobedient puppy, afraid it had overstepped some unwritten rule and was about to get into trouble.  
‘Of course it doesn’t make me uncomfortable,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to be apart from you either.’  
She smiled. ‘Is Detective Rizzoli going all soppy on me?’  
‘Don’t you dare tell anyone and ruin my image,’ I warned her with a smile of my own. Awkwardness gone, we slid in under the covers and she turned the light off. There was the strangest pause while we lay, side by side, a gap of ten centimetres down the middle of the bed between us.  
‘Well, goodnight then,’ she said, her voice in the darkness sounding a bit lost and very, very alone.  
In another move I hoped she wouldn’t tell anyone about later, I reached my hand across the gap between us and found hers, lacing our fingers together. ‘It really is good to have you home, Maura.’  
I felt, rather than saw her smile. It stretched out between us, a softening of the darkness.  
IN the morning, I awoke to the strangest sensation of pressure on my chest and the feeling of something soft and silky tickling my neck and shoulder. I looked down to find Maura cuddled up against me in her sleep, her head nuzzled into the crook of my next, her hair spilling over my shoulder, her arm flung haphazardly across my stomach. A grin stretched itself across my face at the sight of her. I felt a wave of something I’d never felt before. Suddenly, all I wanted was to be able to hold her and protect her and keep her safe. I brought my own arms up and round her, one hand resting on her hip, the other stroking that silky hair.  
She murmured against my shoulder and nuzzled herself more firmly against me. I held her tighter and we lay like that as she slowly struggled awake.  
‘Morning,’ I said as those hazel eyes opened and squinted up at me.  
‘Morning,’ she replied, her body completely relaxed. Then she seemed to gain an awareness of where she was and what she was doing. ‘Jane, I’m so sorry,’ she said, trying to disentangle herself from me. ‘I must have moved in my sleep.’  
To my own surprise, I didn’t loosen my hold on her one bit. ‘It’s ok. Stay here.’  
I saw something like hope in her eyes then. ‘Really?’  
‘Really.’ Her body relaxed again and one of her hands started to trace patterns on my stomach.  
‘But you don’t like hugging,’ She said after a moment.  
I shrugged. ‘I don’t usually like hugging, but this is nice.’  
‘It is nice, isn’t it?’  
We lay in silence for a moment. I wasn’t really sure what was meant to happen next or how long I could keep holding her for before it crossed some kind of line I didn’t want to think about, but she didn’t seem to be in any hurry to move and I found that I wasn’t either. Plus, the gentle movement of her hand on my stomach was proving distracting.  
And that was when our phones decided to ring in unison. We each grabbed them from the sides of the bed and answered together.  
‘Rizzoli.’  
‘Isles.’  
I could feel my world starting to make itself right again.  
The crime scene was bad. It seemed like Korsak’s potato peeler bandit had struck again only this time the potato peeler had been replaced with a heavy ceramic fish slice and a particularly pointy apple corer. Let’s just say that there was a lot of blood and leave it at that.  
The smell was getting me. Frost had given up and gone to sit in the car half an hour ago. None of us blamed him. Korsak wasn’t faring much better, but had distracted himself by trying to find a new home for the victim’s golden retriever. I suspected it would be Korsak’s golden retriever by the end of the day.  
That left me and the unflappable Dr Isles to examine the body. Except the unflappable Dr Isles looked as though she was struggling to keep down her breakfast.  
‘Maura?’ I asked, going over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder.  
‘I’m alright,’ she said, looking anything but alright.  
‘Are you sure? Maybe you ate something that disagreed with you on the plane.’  
She shook her head. ‘I’m fine, Jane, really. Probably still a little jet-lagged, that’s all.’  
She turned her attention back to the body. It was a young man, probably twenty five years old. Maura reached out and began prodding at his sides, checking for internal injuries. After a few seconds, she stopped, took a deep breath, and then resumed her examination.  
‘Maura?’ I asked again. ‘We can call Dr Pike.’  
Another shake of the head, another deep breath. ‘There are reddish brown stains on the…’ She broke off suddenly and stood, hand clutched to her mouth.  
‘Maura?’  
And then she was heading swiftly for the same bushes Frost had made a beeline for earlier. I followed her.  
‘Jane? Is she…?’ Korsak asked from several metres away.  
I didn’t answer him, just followed Maura and held back her hair, ignoring her attempts to swat me away.  
‘Feeling better?’ I asked. We were back at work, in the café. Maura was sipping a bottle of water and Ma was hovering.  
‘Yes, actually,’ Maura said. ‘I feel completely well now. That was an interesting interlude. I have never had that reaction to the sight of a corpse before.’  
I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘Don’t worry about it. Some things just get to you.’  
‘Have you ever…?’   
‘I shook my head. ‘I’ve got the Rizzoli iron stomach thanks to years of Ma’s cooking.’ I shot a grin up at Ma who playfully swatted at my head with a tea towel.  
‘Maura dear, can I get you anything?’ Ma asked.  
Maura paused to think for a moment and then said ‘Rocky road.’  
Ma and I both stared. ‘Not a salad or something?’  
‘No, rocky road. Perhaps my blood glucose levels are lowered.’  
‘Rocky road it is,’ Ma said, heading towards the kitchen, a bemused expression on her face.  
I still wasn’t convinced that Maura had recovered from the episode at the crime scene earlier in the day and I insisted on taking her home. For once, her house was devoid of my relatives and the two of us were together on her sofa. At some point, I’d sprawled onto my back and she’d pulled my feet into her lap, idly running her fingers across my feet and ankles.  
‘So nice to be home…’ she murmured.  
‘You missed giving me foot rubs? I thought one of the major advantages of spending a year enduring the British climate would have been that you didn’t have to give me foot rubs.’  
‘I kind of like having someone to give foot rubs to,’ she said with the shyest little smile. I tried to think of something sarcastic to say back, but the moment seemed too sweet for that.   
Before I could say anything, she started to speak again. ‘What should we have for dinner?’  
Her expectation that I would stay for dinner was somehow even sweeter than the foot rub. ‘Whatever you would like, Dr Isles.’ I said and then added in a teasing tone. ‘Rocky road?’  
‘Perhaps not rocky road, but I do feel like some lemon cheesecake.’  
I sat up properly and stared. ‘You don’t eat cake.’  
She was ignored me. ‘Have you ever wondered what lemon cheesecake would taste like with brown sauce?’  
‘Brown sauce? Maura, are you sure you’re feeling ok?’  
‘I just think it would create an interesting sensory bouquet…’   
‘An interesting sensory bouquet? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pregnant. Before Ma had Tommy she used to eat the weirdest stuff. Pineapple and…’ My voice trailed off as I became aware of an absolute silence next to me. Maura was sitting bolt upright, an expression of pure terror in her hazel eyes.  
‘Maura?’ I said, my own heart starting to beat wildly as the implications of my words sunk in. ‘Maura, you’re not…’  
‘I don’t know,’ she said quietly, her voice sounding small and lost.


	3. Chapter 3

‘But you said you didn’t have a boyfriend?’ My heart was racing now and it was as though I was standing on the edge of a huge chasm, uncertain of what was waiting for me on the other side. I couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling.  
She was sitting was a rigidly straight back, knees together, ankles crossed, just like they’d taught her at that fancy school of hers. One hand was still resting on my calf, the other had found its way to her mouth and she was chewing at the skin of her fingers. Keeping my eyes trained on her face, I swung my legs off her lap and sat upright too.  
‘Maura?’ I asked.   
She said nothing, just carried on chewing on her fingers. Her other hand was worrying at the hem of her skirt, pulling a little desperately at a loose thread.  
‘Maura, don’t do that,’ I said, moving her hand away from her mouth. ‘You’ll hurt yourself.’  
The hand clutched at mine and the other one came to join it and then I was holding both her hands in both of mine.  
‘Please talk to me,’ I said.  
‘Promise you won’t hate me.’ Her voice was very small.  
I reached out for her properly then, pulling her towards me and cradling her in my arms. ‘I could never hate you, sweetheart.’ I think the ‘sweetheart’ was a surprise to both of us because her head jerked upwards when I said it and, for a moment, I thought she’d recovered enough to tease me. The moment was quickly gone though and she looked down again, but she didn’t pull away from my embrace.  
‘I did something stupid.’ She said.  
‘I don’t think you could ever do anything stupid.’  
‘This time I did. Nigel from accounts kept asking me to go out for a drink with him.’ She paused and looked up at me, the familiar google-Maura expression creeping across her face. It did my heart good to see it. ‘You see, in England, the social rules are more formal. Going out for dinner on a first date with someone you didn’t know well would be considered terribly forward…’  
‘Terribly forward’ I mocked in a pretty bad approximation of a British accent. My teasing was rewarded with a very small smile.  
‘So you went out for a drink with Nigel from accounts.’ I prompted.  
‘I did and he was the most boring man I have ever met. He spent most of the evening talking about some dispute with his neighbour over whose responsibility it was to fix their broken drains.’  
‘Thrilling.’ I said dryly.  
‘Well, not really,’ Maura said, surprised. ‘Whilst property law is a fascinating subject, I myself do not…’  
‘I was being sarcastic.’  
She flushed a little then with embarrassment. ‘The evening wore on and I began to feel sad.’  
‘Oh Maura, why?’  
‘Because I was alone in a foreign country and I don’t have a partner and my only dating prospect was Nigel from accounts.’  
‘You shouldn’t ever feel like that. I hate that you did, that you were feeling so lonely. I shouldn’t have let that happen.’  
‘My loneliness is not your responsibility.’  
‘It is though. I’m your friend. I should have realised, should have come to see you.’  
Maura nestled into my shoulder even more. ‘You’re the best friend that I could ever wish for, Jane. Never think otherwise.’ She took a deep breath and then continued. ‘After Nigel left, I couldn’t face going back to my apartment alone, so I went to a club.’  
‘By yourself?’  
She nodded. ‘And I let myself become intoxicated and there was a man in the club and I wanted to feel a little less lonely so I let him spend the night with me. By the time I woke up in the morning, he’d left.’  
‘I’m sorry…’   
‘I wasn’t upset by it. I wished it hadn’t happened and I didn’t want to see him again.’  
‘Who was he?’  
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. His name was Paul, he was a Londoner, a lawyer I think. I don’t even know his last name.’  
‘I could find him.’  
‘No. There must be a thousand lawyers in London named Paul. And I don’t want you to find him.’  
‘Ok…’ Her breathing was ragged and she seemed on the verge of tears again. I wrapped my arms around her more fully, stroking her back, my chin resting on the top of her head. ‘And you think he…?’ I asked.  
‘That was the stupid thing, Jane. I was so intoxicated that we failed to take precautions.’  
I felt myself go cold at her words. ‘You’re not on the pill?’  
She shook her head. ‘I have no need of it. I am not in a relationship and I’m not engaging in regular sexual activity, except…’  
‘Except you did.’ I finished for her.  
‘Do you hate me?’ She asked, looking up at me with big hazel eyes.  
‘Not in the slightest. I just want to help you. When did you meet this Paul?’  
She thought for a moment. ‘Around four months ago.’  
‘That’s late to find out about a pregnancy, Maura. If your symptoms have only just started, perhaps there’s another explanation.’  
‘I’ve been feeling nauseous for a couple of weeks now. And I’ve put on weight. It’s not noticeable to anyone but me yet, but it’s there. I’m a doctor. How could I have not realised what this could mean?’  
I said the only thing I could think of to say. ‘We need to be sure.’  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I drove her to the nearest shop which would sell us a pregnancy test. Once there, she shrank down in the car seat and looked like nothing in the world would induce her to move so I went inside alone and bought the damn thing for her. In fact I bought three just in case the first one was wrong. And all the while I was looking furtively over my shoulder hoping that Ma and or Korsak or someone hasn’t decided to drop by to pick up some late night shopping.  
Back at home, I had to coax her into the bathroom. She’d apparently decided that, in some situations, ignorance really was bliss. Once she’d finally gone in, she was in there a long time. So long in fact that I sunk down onto the floor outside the bathroom, my back propped against the cold plaster wall. All the while my mind was racing. Maura with a baby was something I couldn’t quite process.  
Just when I was starting to get worried, she slowly came out of the bathroom and cropped all three tests at my feet. Then she sat down beside me. I looked at her and then down at the tests. Across each one, the word ‘pregnant’ was written in huge, accusing black letters.  
I didn’t know what to do. Beside me, tears had started to run silently down Maura’s cheeks. We sat, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the blank wall of the hallway.  
‘Is four months too late to…?’ I began.  
She shook her head. ‘I could still terminate the pregnancy.’  
I didn’t know how to feel about that. My Catholic upbringing was telling me one thing, the sight of Maura’s tearstained face was telling me quite another.  
‘Are you going to?’ I asked, the words hanging between us. ‘I’d support you if you did.’  
‘And if I didn’t?’ She asked in a trembling voice.  
‘And I’d support you if you didn’t. I love you, Maura. That’s not going to change.’  
‘Love you too,’ she whispered and then she was in my arms again, holding onto me more tightly than ever before.  
Somewhere downstairs a door slammed and we heard the unmistakable sound of Ma walking across the kitchen floor and dropping her handbag in the living room. Then she was calling up the stairs to us.  
‘Don’t say anything to her,’ Maura said ‘Please. Just act normally.’  
I nodded, but, on the inside, I was wondering how anything could ever be normal again.


	4. Chapter 4

We sat down to one of Ma’s famous gnocchi dishes, but I don’t think either of us were paying attention to the food. For some reason, we’d sat down opposite one another, not side by side like usual and I kept stealing glances at Maura out of the corner of my eye. She was barely eating, just pushing the food around on her plate and she didn’t once look up to meet my eyes. I wasn’t doing much better at keeping the conversation going. I was asking Ma half-hearted questions about her day, but I wasn’t listening to her replies at all.  
‘Jane!’ I was startled out of my reverie by a new sharpness in Ma’s voice.  
‘Yes, Ma?’  
‘You’re not paying any attention to what I’m saying!’  
A small part of me wanted to ask why Maura wasn’t getting told off too, but, under the circumstances, I bit back the retort. ‘Sorry Ma.’  
Ma was looking back and forth between Maura and I. ‘Have you girls been fighting?’  
‘No Ma,’ I said hastily.  
For the first time Maura looked up too and shook her head. Ma took one look at her tear-stained face and was up out of her chair and pulling Maura to her in the patented Rizzoli bear hug.  
‘Did you make her cry, Jane? Did you do something insensitive? You can be very insensitive.’  
‘No Ma!’  
‘She didn’t, Angela,’ Maura managed to get out. ‘I just had a bit of a shock today.’  
Ma was holding her at arm’s length now and scrutinising her minutely. ‘What kind of a shock?’  
And, of course, Maura couldn’t lie, so she was reduced to shifting awkwardly in my mother’s embrace and looking down at the ground.  
‘Leave it, Ma,’ I said. ‘She’ll tell you when she’s ready.’  
Ma pulled Maura into a hug again and then glanced over at me. ‘I’ll give you girls some space. Come get me if you need anything.’  
She bustled out of the room in the direction of the guesthouse, but she was glancing over her shoulder at me as she went mouthing warnings at me to be nice to Maura. Seriously, the woman seemed to think I was incapable of functional relationships.  
I went to pull Maura into a hug of my own, but she stepped away and looked up at me with hazel eyes which were suddenly determined and more than a little fierce. ‘I’m going to keep it,’ she said.  
In a way, her words weren’t a surprise, but I still felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach. Maura was having a baby. I hated myself for it, but my first thought was where do I fit into all this? Surely, a baby meant the end of Friday nights at the Dirty Robber, of Sunday evenings curled up together on her sofa, of always having a plus one for any event I had to attend. I’d taken her for granted before she went away, and, now she was back, I’d sort of assumed I could take her for granted again.  
‘Jane?’ She asked and I realised I’d been silent for a moment too long.  
‘My mother will be thrilled. You know how much she wants grandchildren.’ My voice was flat. I was trying to make myself sound happy for her and I was failing miserably.  
‘But how do you feel about this?’  
I sidestepped the question. ‘I just want to make sure you’re sure. I mean, all you’ve done since you found out is cry and the whole thing wasn’t exactly planned.’  
‘You know I can’t control the secretions of my lachrymal glands, Jane. I’ve wanted a child for a long time and I’m 36. I can’t wait too much longer. The idea of raising a child excites me. When I first saw the test results, I was afraid and I’m still afraid, but I’m also starting to look forward to the future. The idea of a child growing up in this house at the centre of this community we’ve built is quite wonderful.’  
Her use of the word ‘we’ve’ wasn’t lost on me. It implied some continuing relationship between us. And perhaps it was that which let me imagine her child as she was doing, as a small figure being thoroughly spoilt by my mother or chasing Frankie around the garden. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing in this picture, but the knowledge that I was there somewhere was enough for now.  
I pulled her into a hug again, and this time she didn’t pull away. ‘I’ve always wanted to be Auntie Jane,’ I murmured into her hair.  
‘So you’ll stay with me?’  
‘Of course.’ It was only later that I realised her question was an odd one to ask a friend.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Much later on, she fell asleep on the sofa and I was torn between tucking her under a blanket and leaving her there so as not to disturb her or trying to carry her upstairs to her bed. In the end I opted to carry her upstairs; she was light as a feather and I didn’t want her to wake up with a sore neck.   
I lifted her gently, one arm under her knees, one around her shoulders, and the movement half woke her. She turned into me, arms coming up around my shoulders and clutching onto my shirt. I got her upstairs without her waking further and slid her under the covers. I tiptoed towards the door, intending to drive back to my apartment and sleep there – I needed a change of clothes if nothing else. Something stopped me though and I turned back to look at her. Curled up beneath the covers she looked very small and vulnerable. Before I knew what I was doing, I had kicked off my shoes and slid under the covers next to her.  
For a moment, I lay there, frozen, trying not to analyse my own actions. This was normal for friends, wasn’t it? To want to be near each other so much, to want to sleep in each other’s arms. I began to edge out of the bed again, not wanting her to ask awkward question in the morning. At the same time though, I really didn’t want to leave her. In the end, she made the decision for me. She rolled over in her sleep and flung an arm across my stomach possessively. Her legs curled up and under her and tangled with my own. Her head was on my shoulder.  
‘Jane…?’ she mumbled, half-asleep.  
‘I’m here.’  
‘Please stay.’  
I pulled my arms around her and held her tighter.


	5. Chapter 5

‘That shirt looks familiar, Rizzoli.’  
‘Like you’re a fashion guru, Korsak,’ I shot back.  
‘I don’t wear the same shirts for three days running.’  
‘Well, at least my shirt doesn’t have a ketchup stain on it.’  
He had a point though. My clothing situation was bordering on the ridiculous. Before Maura had gone away, I’d always left a couple of outfits at hers in case I stayed over unexpectedly, but I’d taken all my clothes back after she’d gone to London and I hadn’t gone back to my own apartment in 72 hours. It was lucky that Frankie was so willing to look after Jo Friday at very short notice.  
‘Dr. Isles not letting you go home?’ Korsak asked.  
‘Dr. Isles? Why would you just assume that I’ve been at Maura’s?’  
‘Well, the two of you…?  
‘For the last time, Korsak, we’re not a couple.’  
I turned and swiftly exited the room. On my way out, I heard him mutter something which sounded suspiciously like ‘You’re both idiots if you’re not.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I went to check on Maura at lunch and found her in her office in the act of hastily trying to hide a large box underneath her desk. When she saw it was me who’d come in, she pulled the box back out again. It was full of jar after jar of what looked like vitamin supplements.  
‘What’s all this?’ I asked.  
‘Folic acid, iron supplements, various prenatal vitamins. I need to start being careful about what I eat. No more wine or seafood, plenty of kale, that kind of thing.’  
‘Sounds delicious. Where did it all come from though?’  
‘I went shopping this morning. I also ordered a crib.’  
I had to sit down at that. A crib made the whole thing somehow more real than it already was. Up until now, I’d just been able to concentrate on Maura, but a crib was definitely shifting the focus onto the baby.  
She clearly wanted to say something more, but she was hesitating.  
‘What is it, Maura?’  
‘I was wondering if I might ask you a favour.’  
‘Ask me anything.’  
She was looking down at the ground. ‘Please say no if you wouldn’t be comfortable with this. I’d understand and I could always ask your mother or perhaps even my mother. No, actually my mother would be very uncomfortable. Your mother though…’  
‘Maura,’ I caught her hands in mine. ‘You haven’t even asked me yet.’  
‘Of course. Sorry.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’ve booked an appointment to see a doctor to check that everything is ok with the…’ She paused and I got the feeling that this was the first time she’d said it out loud. ‘With the baby. And to find out the gender. I’m far enough along that they should be able to do that. And I was wondering if you might perhaps be willing to come with me.’  
‘I will absolutely come with you,’ I said. I was sort of flattered that she’d chosen to ask me. ‘I’ve got your back, Maura, always.’ I realised as I said it that it was true. I would do pretty much anything for her and that feeling extended to her child. Maura’s family was my family.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It felt strange to be back in my apartment that night. I’d left Maura’s after dinner, insisting that I needed to pick up some clothes and check up on Jo Friday. Korsak’s words earlier had also stuck with me. Friends didn’t usually sleep in the same bed. Our sleeping arrangements didn’t bother me and were none of Korsak’s damn business, but maybe Maura resented me being in her space so much. After all, she had a lot going on. I wanted to give her time to process.  
I was regretting it now though. My bed felt cold and lonely and very, very large. I kept rolling over and expecting to find her there, beside me or I’d half wake up and reach for her and find only empty space instead. I’d never really had close female friends before her; I’d always been one of the boys and I didn’t know whether what I was feeling was normal. Ma didn’t seem to miss her best friend constantly when they were apart. She didn’t seem to want to hold her and hug her all the time like I did with Maura either.  
Attraction wasn’t a thing I’d really thought about much. I seemed to feel it less than other people. Sure, there were men who were nice to look at and pleasant enough to be with, but I didn’t feel desire with the urgency that others seemed to feel it. I could always take it or leave. And I did find Maura attractive. I had eyes after all she was an uncommonly attractive woman so that in itself didn’t really prove much.  
There was something else though that I’d never felt with anyone else. It was a soft kind of feeling, like she was bathed in a kind of golden glow for me. It was like I wanted to protect her and keep her safe, like I was only really me when I was with her.  
It was almost a relief when the silence of the night was shattered by my phone ringing. The prospect of a grizzly murder seemed far simpler than trying to unpick my feelings towards Maura.  
‘Rizzoli,’ I said, grabbing the phone without looking at the caller ID.  
To my surprise, I heard sobbing on the other end of the line. That was definitely not Frost or Korsak.  
‘Maura?’ I asked.  
‘Jane, I’m sorry to call this late, but…’ there was a pause and a whole lot more sobbing. ‘I’m scared.’  
I was half out of bed already and pulling on a pair of jeans. ‘Maura, what’s happened? It is the baby?’  
‘Nothing’s happened, it’s just…’  
‘Just what?’  
‘What if something does happen and there’s no one here? I’m out of the danger zone for a miscarriage, but you can never be completely sure.’  
‘Ma’s in the guesthouse. She’d always come and help you.’  
‘Your mother is a very deep sleeper. What if I couldn’t alert her to what had happened?’  
As she spoke, my mind was filling up with images; Maura writhing in agony on the sofa, Maura lying in a pool of blood on the living room floor. ‘I’ll be right there,’ I said and put the phone down.  
I pulled on my clothes and went to grab my car keys. On the way, I picked up another shirt and a pair of pyjamas in case I had to stay for a couple of days. Then I shoved Jo Friday’s lead into my handbag and grabbed a bag of her food, figuring that she might as well come with me. And then I made a decision; as long as Maura was pregnant, she was going to worry about being by herself and I was going to keep imagining horrible things which could be happening to her. There seemed to be an obvious solution.  
I picked up the phone again and she answered straight away. ‘Instead of just coming for tonight, do you just want me to bring some things over so I can stay for a while?’  
‘Yes please,’ she said.  
I packed pretty much all my clothes. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be coming home anytime soon. In truth, I wasn’t even sure that this was home anymore. At some point, home had become a place which had Maura in it.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jo Friday and Bass had never been the best of friends. Jo seemed genuinely confused about what kind of a thing the tortoise was. She wanted to play, but, at the same time, seemed to be afraid that Bass might eat her. She would run up to him, sniff around at his shell until he poked his head out and then she would yelp and run away to hide in a far corner of the room. After a few minutes, she would creep towards him, tail wagging and the whole process would begin again.  
Maura and I were sitting at the kitchen table, laughing at them, mugs of tea on our hands. I’d just arrived with four suitcases and a whole load of dog treats.  
‘I’m sorry for calling you,’ Maura said. ‘I must have sounded pretty pathetic.’  
I reached out and covered her hand with my own. ‘Not at all. I was worried about you too. And I’m very happy to stay. It’ll be nice to have some time together where it’s just us and we don’t keep being interrupted by my mother.’  
‘Or a murder.’  
‘Exactly. They’re equally distracting.’ I tried to stifle a yawn and didn’t succeed.  
‘We should get some sleep,’ Maura said. ‘I’ve already made you tired for work in the morning.’  
I stood up. ‘I’ll take my things into the guest room.’  
As I spoke, her face fell. ‘What’s the matter?’  
‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘I’ll help you with the suitcases.’  
‘Oh no you don’t,’ I reached out and stopped her before she could pick one up. ‘No lifting heavy objects for you, missy.’ I paused and shot her a grin. ‘Or should I say, mummy.’  
She giggled a bit and self-consciously put a hand to her stomach. ‘That sounds so strange.’  
‘Better get used to it.’ I picked up two of the suitcases and carried them into the guest room. When I came back outside, she was standing in the corridor watching me. ‘You don’t have to sleep in there,’ she said. ‘I mean, it was kind of nice last night, having you there all night. I understand if you want your own space, but you don’t have to sleep in there if you don’t want to.’  
My rational mind was telling me that the guest room was by the far the best option, that it would lead to far fewer complicated feelings and far less soul searching in the long run. Unfortunately, I’ve always had a tendency to follow my heart rather than my head and right then, all I wanted to do was hold her. The reasons behind those feelings didn’t seem to matter.  
‘I’ve never liked the guest room,’ I said and picked up the suitcases again to carry them back down the hall.


	6. Chapter 6

It was Friday night and Maura and I had opted out of drinks at the Dirty Robber in favour of a quiet night on the sofa. Drinks were out of the question until Maura told everyone else what was going on anyway. Her not drinking would be sure to cause comment.  
And she was going to have to tell them soon. I’d been living at hers full time for two weeks now and her stomach was starting to take on a distinctly rounded appearance. It wasn’t obvious quite yet, but there was a definite bulge there. Her signature form-fitting dresses had been abandoned in favour of an ever-increasing selection of long jackets and cardigans. Still very tasteful, but again, enough of a departure from her usual style that someone would be sure to notice soon.  
Someone would be sure to notice that I was living with her pretty soon too. In fact, I was amazed no one had said anything yet; we were turning up in the same car every morning and leaving together every night. And Ma knew that I was staying long after she’d retreated to the guesthouse. It was making worry that my team weren’t the great detectives I’d once thought they were if they were missing something so obvious.  
The thing I was finding strange was that living with Maura didn’t feel like a big change at all. It felt completely natural and right. I didn’t miss my own space. I loved having a reason to come home now, having someone who was depending on me as much as I already depended on her. In truth, I hadn’t felt this happy in a very long time.  
I looked over at her from where I was standing in the kitchen, getting drinks for us both. I was making mocktails from her impressive selection of fruit juices. I’d decided to forgo beer in solidarity with her since I knew that she was missing wine more than anything else. She was stretched out on the sofa, her cardigan open, the angle of her body revealing the bulge she was still trying to hide from everyone except me. For the first time, she really did look pregnant.  
‘What?’ she asked, glancing up at me.  
‘You…er…’ I gestured to her middle. ‘It’s getting pretty noticeable.’  
She placed a hand on it. ‘I guess it is. I just don’t know how to tell people and I’m worried about what they’ll say. I mean, I’m not with the father, I don’t even know the father and none of it was planned.’  
I came over to her and handed her a mocktail. ‘Maura, you’re going to have to tell them.’  
‘Couldn’t we just let them work it out for themselves?’  
‘And make you the object of speculation around the water cooler for weeks to come?’ I sat down beside her and placed a hand on her knee. ‘No. I couldn’t listen to them talk about you. You need to tell them. They’re good people. They’re not going to judge.’  
She had pulled herself up into a sitting position now and snuggled in against my side. I put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. It was strange how automatic such touches had become and strange too how happy just holding her could make me.  
‘I’ll tell them after we go see the doctor tomorrow.’ She said.  
‘Good.’ On an impulse I lent down a little and kissed the top of her head. She made this little contended sound and nuzzled into my neck. As usual, this led to more feelings than I cared to try and interpret. Instead, I just let my hands start to wander up and down her back in vaguely soothing motions. Holding her like this was sending my world completely off kilter, but, at the same time seemed to be making everything in it right.  
‘How are you feeling about the doctor?’ I asked.  
That got a bit of a laugh from her. ‘Detective McStoic asking about feelings?’ She teased.  
‘Hey, I can talk about feelings. I’m Detective McStoic with a warm, fuzzy centre.’  
She laughed again. I’m excited actually. I can’t wait to see it and I can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl.’  
‘Which would you want?’  
She shook her head. ‘I’m not answering that. I’m not sure I know the answer anyway. I just want a healthy baby.’ She paused for a moment. ‘How about you?’  
‘How about me, what?’  
‘Which do you want it to be? A boy or a girl?’  
Her question caught me off-guard a bit. ‘It’s not my baby.’  
‘Yes, but Auntie Jane can still have a preference for the gender of her godchild.’  
At that, my heart leapt. ‘Godchild? Really?’  
‘Of course. I thought you would have guessed that already.’  
‘Well I’d thought about it but I didn’t like to assume…’  
I was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and my other’s footsteps entering the room. Maura and I both froze for some reason, as though we’d been caught doing something wrong. Then, as if by mutual agreement, we sprang apart and Maura scrabbled for her cardigan.  
She wasn’t quick enough. Ma’s eyes travelled from the bulge in her middle to the glass of fruit juice in her hand and then she squealed and threw herself at Maura in the patented Rizzoli bear hug. Caught off guard, Maura sort of shrank back against the sofa, arms pinned against her sides by my mother’s embrace.  
Ma backed off just enough to squeal ‘You’re pregnant!’ and then she enveloped Maura in another hug and somehow inserted herself between us on the sofa. ‘Tell me everything!’  
Maura seemed at a loss as to where to start. ‘Well, I’m having a baby,’ she began somewhat lamely.  
‘I know that, sweetie, but how far along are you? And who’s the father? Is it someone from England? Is he handsome? Does he have one of those sexy Prince William accents?’  
‘I’m nearly five months…’   
‘Five months?! Why didn’t you tell me before?!’  
‘We only just found out…’ Maura said, glancing at me helplessly.  
And now I found the full force of a Mama Rizzoli glare burning into me. ‘Janie! You knew! You knew and you didn’t tell me?!’  
‘Sorry, Ma.’  
‘How long have you known?!’  
‘Couple of weeks,’ I mumbled.  
‘A couple of weeks! You’ve both known about my grandchild for a couple of weeks and you didn’t think to tell me?!’  
Maura was staring at her now. ‘Your grandchild?’  
‘You’re my daughter, sweetheart. I’ve always wanted a doctor in the family.’  
At this, Maura burst into tears and began apologising profusely for her ‘lachymal glands’. At which point Ma burst into tears too and there was a fresh round of hugging. I started to ease off the sofa, figuring I’d just leave them to it, but Ma pulled me back down again and dragged me into the hug too so she had Maura pinned against one side and me pinned against the other.  
‘We need to turn that spare room of yours into a nursery,’ she said. ‘And you’ll need baby stuff and clothes and…’  
‘Ma,’ I cut her off. ‘We’ve got this. Everything’s under control. We’re going to the doctor’s tomorrow to get everything sorted.’  
Ma looked back and forth between us. ‘We?’ She said. ‘Janie, are you living here?’


	7. Chapter 7

I couldn’t work out what Ma thought of my new living situation. She seemed to understand the logic of it, but I could tell that something about it bothered her. By unspoken agreement, Neither Maura nor I mentioned that it was Maura’s room I was sleeping in, not the guest room. I don’t think she would have had a negative reaction to our sleeping arrangements, but I didn’t want to spring anymore surprises on her.  
The next morning, Maura and I turned up for work together as usual, Ma in the back of the car. And, as usual, no one commented. I cornered Ma in the café when I went down there for lunch.  
‘Have you said anything to Frist or Korsak about Maura and I living together?’ I asked.  
‘Not a thing. Why?’  
‘It’s just they haven’t said anything about me turning up with her every morning.’  
‘Why should they say anything?’  
‘Because it’s something new and different.’  
Ma gave me the strangest look then. ‘Janie,’ she said ‘for a detective, you can be incredibly unobservant sometimes.’  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘I mean, Frost and Korsak haven’t said anything for the same reason that it took me two entire weeks to notice that my daughter had moved house. Absolutely nothing has changed.’  
‘Of course it has!’ I protested. ‘I live with Maura now.’  
‘Honey, you’ve been living with Maura for years. You just hadn’t realised it. How many times did you accidentally fall asleep at hers and stay the night? How many times did you come over early so you could have breakfast with her? You even kept clothes at her house. You eat every meal with her, you turn up to every social event with her. Living with her just saves you making a weekly trip to your apartment to do laundry.’  
With a shock, I realised that she was right. Maura and I had had an awful lot of sleepovers.  
Ma laughed at my expression and then something like sadness came into her eyes for a moment. ‘Janie, maybe you should use your detective skills in your own life sometimes.’  
‘What are you talking about, Ma?’  
‘I’m just saying that there might be other things going on which you haven’t noticed. Things to do with Maura and you might be missing out on a lot of happiness because you haven’t noticed them.’  
‘I don’t know what you mean.’  
But she shook her head. ‘This is one you’ll have to figure out for yourself. I might be reading the situation wrong, but I don’t think I am. Just,’ she hesitated. ‘Just make sure you look after Maura, ok?’  
‘Of course, Ma.’  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Frost, Korsak and I were gathered in Maura’s lab, watching her work on the Potato Peeler Bandit’s latest victim.  
‘I can’t believe we haven’t tracked this guy down yet.’ Korsak muttered.  
I couldn’t either. He’d been eluding for weeks. I knew I hadn’t been at the top of my game though. Ever since Maura had come home, I’d had an awful lot to occupy my thoughts.  
It was clear that Maura was finding the autopsy difficult. Although she’d avoided morning sickness almost entirely, her stomach was still sensitive and strong smells had started to get to her. Only this morning, she’d fled from the kitchen when she’d caught a whiff of my morning coffee. She was working slowly with frequent pauses to turn her face away from the victim and breathe fresher air.  
Apparently I wasn’t the only one who’d noticed that she was acting a little strangely. ‘Are you alright, Dr. Isles?’ Korsak asked.  
And of course Maura couldn’t lie and say she was fine so she settled for. ‘How I’m feeling isn’t unexpected given the circumstances.’  
It was clear that Korsak was going to question her further, but the colour suddenly drained from her face and she fell forwards. I managed to catch her before she hit the ground, but her eyes had rolled back in her head and she was unconscious.  
‘Maura!’ I was surprised at the terror in my own voice. I’d been in plenty of similar situations before, but I’d never felt fear like this. What if there was something wrong with the baby?  
Frost and Korsak were on the floor beside me now, the three of us gathered around Maura’s head, trying to wake her. ‘She’s not usually squeamish,’ this was from Korsak.  
I was saying her name over and over, trying to get her to open her eyes. It wasn’t working though. She remained motionless on the ground ‘Call an ambulance,’ I snapped after a few moments.  
‘Is that necessary?’ Korsak asked. ‘It’s pretty obvious why she fainted.’  
‘Call an ambulance,’ I said again.  
‘Jane, I really think…’  
And I knew I had to tell them. ‘Korsak, she’s pregnant. Call an ambulance.’  
My words had an instantaneous effect. Both men snapped into action and, just minutes later, she was on her way to hospital, Korsak and me in the ambulance with her. Once there, she was whisked away from us and we retreated into a waiting room.  
‘Korsak, you don’t have to stay,’ I said. I was pacing, unable to stay still.  
‘Of course I’ll stay, Jane. That’s your baby in there.’  
‘My baby? What do you mean, it’s my baby?’  
‘oh come on, Jane. I know you two like to keep your private lives private and pretend you’re not a couple, but I know you are. If she’s pregnant, the two of you have decided to have a baby.’  
‘We’re not a couple.’  
‘You don’t need to pretend to me. I’m not going to judge.’  
‘I’m not pretending, Korsak. We’re not together. Some British guy got her pregnant. They had a one night stand.’  
The expression on his face was changing and he looked a little like Ma had earlier. ‘Jane, I’m sorry.’  
‘About what?’  
‘It must be hard for you, what with Maura and some guy and her having a baby and all that.’  
I didn’t want to think about what he was saying. There was far too much going on for that. ‘Korsak, right now the only hard thing is that my best friend’s in there and she might lose her baby.’  
They let me in to see her eventually. She was awake now and looking very small in a hospital bed. Even though there was still a nurse in the room, I climbed onto the bed with her without hesitation and put my arms around her.  
The nurse smiled at me. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘It wasn’t anything to worry about. Your baby’s fine.’ This time I didn’t correct her.  
‘How do you feel?’ I asked Maura.  
‘I was so scared,’ she said. ‘And so glad you were there.’  
‘I’ll always be there.’  
‘I know,’ she said and snuggled closer.  
The nurse smiled at us as she left the room. ‘You two are adorable.’  
As the door closed behind her, I looked down at Maura. ‘Everyone thinks we’re a couple today.’  
‘You didn’t correct her.’  
Why hadn’t I corrected her? ‘Didn’t want to get thrown out of here if it was family only or something.’  
There was a flash of something in her eyes, a bit sad, a bit disappointed, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. ‘I’d like you to meet someone,’ she said.  
‘Who have you managed to meet in a hospital room?’  
She reached over to the bedside table and picked up what looked like a piece of paper. ‘They gave me a scan.’  
She handed the paper to me and I saw it was an ultrasound picture. There, tiny, but unmistakable, was a baby. I found that there were suddenly tears running down my cheeks. ‘Is it… is it ok?’  
Maura was smiling up at me. ‘She’s very healthy, about the size of a small grapefruit. She has…’  
But I’d stopped listening, my mind fixating on the beginning of the sentence. ‘She?’ I asked.  
‘Yes,’ Maura breathed, wonder in her voice. ‘I’m having a girl.’  
‘That’s your daughter.’ I whispered, staring at the ultrasound image. ‘She’s beautiful.’   
And then the two of us were laughing and crying at the same time, overcome by the enourmity of what we were seeing.


	8. Chapter 8

It was as if Maura’s body knew that we’d told everyone about the pregnancy and it could stop pretending to be its old shape. She was nearing six months gone now and unmistakably pregnant. It was way past the stage where a long cardigan could stop people commenting. And the comments were coming thick and fast. Everywhere we went, people were asking her how she was feeling and what she was having. I could tell she wasn’t entirely comfortable with the situation. She also wasn’t entirely comfortable with her new wardrobe. She missed her signature figure-hugging dresses and she’s recently had to switch from heels to flats because the heels were making her back hurt. I was secretly quite glad about that. The thought of her falling in those heels had been scaring me.  
We’d been living together for nearly six weeks and, truth was, I was dreading the day when the baby was born and I had to go home. I’d sort of forgotten that this was only a temporary arrangement. Being with her all the time felt so natural I didn’t ever want it to change. We’d fallen into an easy routine of cooking dinner together and spending our evenings curled up on the sofa under a blanket, talking in soft voices about anything and everything. And then there were lazy weekend mornings when we’d wake up slowly and lie together in bed, murmuring about nothing in particular.  
I’d never talked quite so much with anyone before. This was a new kind of closeness. I felt like I was getting to know her on a whole different level. I knew everything about her and yet she still managed to surprise me. And I couldn’t get enough of it. Detective McStoic was now being anything but. If there was ever a rare moment of silence, I would instantly fin something to fill it. Talking with her became my greatest pleasure. I realised that I loved the way she thought, the way she saw the world and I valued her opinion more than anyone’s.  
I had never been happier and I know she was happy too, but there were still things about her pregnancy which were making her insecure. I woke up one morning to find her already out of bed, dressed in a dressing gown and not much else with a pile of clothes strewn on the ground around her feet. She was examining herself from all angles in the full length mirror by the bed.  
‘Everything ok?’ I asked.  
She shook her head. ‘I look fat.’  
‘Well probably to be expected under the circumstances.’  
I realised as soon as I said it that it hadn’t been a good thing to say. Her whole face sort of crumpled.  
‘Maura, no. I didn’t mean that.’ And then I was out of bed and standing behind her, my hands on her hips, pulling her back into me. It was the closest I could get to hugging her without pressing my hands into her belly which, for some reason, I was reluctant to do. That felt too intimate somehow, like something I shouldn’t do without her permission.  
‘What I meant,’ I said, chin on her shoulder. ‘Is that you don’t look fat. You look pregnant. And it makes you look even more beautiful than you usually do.’  
‘No it doesn’t.’  
‘Maura, you’re growing a whole new human being. That’s a wonderful thing. I can guarantee that everyone who sees you is thinking how beautiful you look.’  
‘You really think I’m beautiful?’ She turned her head and looked up at me, vulnerability in her eyes.  
‘You,’ I said and kissed the top of her head ‘are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I’ve always thought that.’  
There was a smile on her face now and she angled her head up to kiss me on the cheek. I shivered at the contact. ‘I think you’re beautiful too,’ she said. Then she reached behind her and grasped my hands, bringing them forwards and fully around her body. Under our joined hands, I felt something move.  
‘Did you feel that?’ She whispered.  
I could only nod as I felt another movement and then another. ‘Hello in there,’ I said, looking down at her stomach.  
‘I think she likes you,’ Maura said.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
We found the Potato Peeler Bandit’s latest victim in the middle of Boston’s nicest mall. For once, Maura wasn’t with us as there was some kind of medical examiners’ conference going on at Boston College. Normally she would have sent Susie along on her behalf, but she wasn’t enjoying crime scenes much these days and was using any excuse to get out of them. Instead, we were stuck with dear old Dr. Pike.  
‘I can’t wait until Dr. Isles has that baby and we can get back to normal,’ Korsak was muttering and we were forced to endure what felt like hours of Pike’s sarcastic comments.  
‘Couldn’t agree more,’ I said.  
Eventually the comments got to me so much that I escaped on the pretext of examining the surrounding area for signs of a struggle. As was becoming usual these days, my mind was elsewhere, specifically on Maura and how sad she had seemed this morning. It was then that my eye was caught by one of the shop fronts and an idea began to form in my mind. I pulled out my phone and sent her a text which read. ‘Wear something nice. I’ll see you after work.’  
In my lunch break I went back to my own apartment for the first time in weeks and was struck again by how little I missed the place. The thought of having to move back here after the baby was born was becoming increasingly unappealing. I pushed that thought away and concentrated on why I was here. Opening my wardrobe, I pulled out one of the few items of clothing which was left in there; a deep blue formal dress which Maura had made me buy years ago and which I’d never actually worn. Deciding I might as well commit fully, I grabbed a pair of heels as well and, as an afterthought, a long trench coat.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
At 6:00pm I was waiting outside her office, the trench coat hiding the dress from any of my colleagues who cared to walk past. I was already feeling self-conscious about the fact that I was wearing make-up and had pulled my hair into something approximating a messy bun. And about the heels which I’d squeezed my feet into.  
Maura had clearly got my text because she emerged wearing a dark pink dress with a sky blue wrap around her shoulders. Her hair was up too, but she’d left a few tendrils free to frame her delicate features. There was a kind of glow about her skin and I didn’t think I’d ever see her looking more beautiful. The breath caught in my throat and the butterflies in my stomach were back in full force.  
She looked my trench coat up and down. ‘What’s underneath?’ she asked.  
The question caught me off-guard and I felt a flush creeping across my face. Instead of trusting my voice to reply, I opened the coat quickly to show her the dress.  
‘Why, detective,’ she said teasingly. ‘You do scrub up well.’  
‘Don’t tell anyone,’ I muttered. ‘You’ll ruin my image.’ I hastily did the coat back up and turned my attention back to her. ‘You look incredible, Maura. I mean that.’  
She smiled and said a demure thank you. We began walking towards the exit and, without thinking, my hand found its way to the small of her back. Her smile was shy now and she began to walk closer to me, her hip bumping against mine every now and then.  
‘Where are we going?’ she asked.  
‘You’ll see,’ I steered her outside and into my car, walking round and opening the door for her. When had I become so chivalrous? These days, all I wanted to do was look after her.  
We turned in the direction of one of Boston’s more upmarket suburbs and, as we drove, her face began to light up even more. ‘You didn’t get a table at Maison did you?’  
‘Maybe…’  
‘But how?! It has a Michelin starred chef. Everyone’s been raving about it, but they’re booked up solid for months.’  
‘Well you’ve been raving about it so much that I may have used the power of the badge.’  
‘You didn’t!’  
I shrugged. I didn’t like using the badge for things like that, but I’d do pretty much anything to make her happy.  
‘Thank you!’ She’d almost squealed in her excitement.  
‘I hope it’s ok coming with me,’ I said, a little awkwardly. ‘I know it’s more of a date restaurant.’  
I felt a hand on my knee then. ‘Well, there’s no one I’d rather go on a date with.’  
I took one of my hands off the steering wheel and covered hers with it.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Even I had to admit that Maison was everything it claimed to be; the food was sublime, the atmosphere wonderful, but none of that could compare to the simple pleasure of spending time with Maura with no danger of interruptions from anyone else. We were still talking by the time the restaurant closed. We never seemed to run out of things to say to each other and Maura’s mood had improved exponentially. She was laughing and smiling, her confidence in herself slowly returning.  
Once we were home, she moved over the sofa and sat, kicking off her shoes. ‘Jane, that was incredible, thank you.’  
‘I had a wonderful time too.’ I hesitated, feeling embarrassed. I’d never been any good at stuff that bordered on touchy feely. ‘I…er…I got you something from the crime scene this morning.’  
‘You got me something from the crime scene?’ She was trying not to smile. ‘Like a piece of wood with ambiguous reddish brown stains on it? Or perhaps a severed finger?’  
I was laughing now. ‘No, not the crime scene exactly. The mall that the crime scene was in.’  
‘The shops were still open.’  
‘This is America, baby. Capitalism rules.’  
She giggled as I scrabbled around in a bag by the side of the sofa and pulled out a jewellery box. ‘It was pretty. It just seemed like something you should have.’  
She took the box from me and opened it, gasping as she saw the amethyst necklace inside. ‘Jane, it’s beautiful.’ She picked it up, turning it over and examining it from every angle. ‘Is it real?’  
‘As real as they come.’  
‘I can’t accept this. It’s too much.’  
‘Of course you can.’ I took it from her and lifted up her hair so I could fasten it around her neck. ‘Think of all the hundreds of gifts you’ve bought me over the years. Now it’s your turn.’  
‘Are you sure?’  
‘Absolutely sure.’  
She smiled up at me then, a proper grin which split her face in half. ‘I love it. Thank you.’  
And that was when I became aware of just how close we were sitting, how her knee was pressing against mine, how I could feel the warmth of her body. Our eyes locked and I never wanted to look away. Slowly, she brought one hand up and ran her fingers across my face, tracing the line of my jaw. When her index finger brushed my lips, I shivered. I had an overwhelming desire to kiss her, stronger than anything I had ever felt before.  
Behind us, the back door opened and Ma’s voice rang out across the kitchen. With it, all the complications and all the reasons why I shouldn’t kiss her came crashing back and the two of us sprang apart.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> Thank you for all the lovely comments etc on this! I just wanted to say that I'm off on holiday tomorrow, so there might not be any more updates for five days or so, but they should be back to being fairly regular after that. Thank you again!

It turns out that babies require a lot of DIY and I have never been a DIY fan, not that I’d tell anyone. As far as the world was concerned, tough Jane Rizzoli was a big fan of things like building bookcases. In reality though, I sort of hated it and I wasn’t very good at it. Somehow that hadn’t stopped me from promising Maura that I’d convert her spare room into a nursery.  
She was eight months along now and her due date was looming large in both our minds. She’d become obsessed with reading everything she could find about childbirth and had taken to asking my mother all kinds of intimate questions about my own birth which I really didn’t want to know the answers to. Ma, of course, was only too happy to talk about the whole thing. The gory details had sent me fleeing from the room on the pretext of ‘getting coffee’ or similar more than once. The thing that got me was that Maura was scared and I’d never really seen her scared before. She knew that giving birth meant losing control and that wasn’t something she was very good at.  
She was uncomfortable all the time now as well and that was a horrible thing to see. I did what I could; fetching her pillows for her back, giving her massages, preparing the increasingly strange foods she was craving, but I wished I could do more. I would have done anything to have taken some of the pain from her. Instead, I was stuck doing DIY.  
The old furniture from the room was long gone and, in its place, was a crib and shelves which were rapidly filling up with toys and books. There was a wardrobe too, filled with more baby clothes than I’d ever seen before. If nothing else, the whole situation had given Maura a fantastic excuse to shop. And I’d contributed too – there was a tiny Boston PD onesie in that wardrobe somewhere. I was currently in the process of painting the walls a pale yellow. Neither of us had been on board with a pink room and I’d voted for breaking with tradition entirely and painting it blue, but she’d wanted something gender neutral.  
Maura was sitting on the ground, watching me. ‘I wonder what she’ll be like,’ she said, a dreamy look in her eyes.  
‘At a guess, I’d say very clever, into science and a complete nerd. She’ll probably get rid of all this stuff by the time she’s five and want her room turned into a replica Starship Enterprise or something.’  
Maura laughed. ‘If she wants the Starship Enterprise, she shall have the Starship Enterprise.’  
‘I’ll even build it for her,’ I said and then cursed as a droplet of paint dripped onto my hair. ‘or maybe I’ll pay someone else to build it for her.’  
We kept having these conversations, implying that I would be involved in bringing the baby up, but we hadn’t discussed how anything would work after the birth. It was bothering me more and more that we hadn’t. I desperately wanted to stay, to look after that baby with her. In my head, I had to keep stopping myself from thinking of it as my daughter too.  
Apparently Maura was thinking of the future too because she looked up at me shyly. ‘Jane, I know you probably can’t wait to get back to having your own place once she’s born, but, if you did want to stay for longer, we’d love to have you.’  
I came over and gave her a hug, accidentally splattering her with quite a lot of paint in the process. ‘I’d love to stay.’  
She was grinning too. ‘I can’t wait to meet her, Jane.’  
‘Me neither,’ I said and meant it.  
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By that evening, I was exhausted. The room was now completely yellow and my arms were aching from all the painting. Maura had retreated to bed an hour ago, barely able to keep awake. It was approaching the warmest part of the year and she was becoming more and more tired with each passing day. I kept begging her to stop working and go on maternity leave, but she wouldn’t, insisting that she could work for at least another couple of weeks.  
I was standing in the kitchen, doing the washing up and yawning when Ma wandered downstairs.  
‘When did you come in?’ I asked. I’d assumed she’s been in the guesthouse.  
‘About five minutes ago. I said hello to you and went up to look at the nursery. Didn’t you notice?’  
I shook my head. ‘Sorry Ma. I’m just so tired. Maura’s not sleeping well.’  
Ma was regarding me thoughtfully. ‘If the spare room is now the nursery and Maura’s waking you up at night, just where are you sleeping, Janie?’  
I could feel myself flushing red and I fixed my eyes on the dishes. I’d been strategically leaving clothes in the guest room for weeks now to make Ma think I was staying there. It was just easier somehow than trying to explain my actual sleeping arrangements.  
‘Are you staying in Maura’s room?’ Ma asked.  
‘Yeah,’ I said and looked up at her.  
‘How long have you…?’  
‘Since I moved in.’  
Ma came over to me then and put her arm around my waist. ‘let me do that, Janie, you’re exhausted.’  
I didn’t even protest, just stepped out of the way so she could get to the sink. As I started to leave to go to bed, she called me back.  
‘Janie, I’m worried about you.’  
‘Why, Ma? I’m fine.’  
‘I think you have some decisions to make.’  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘I mean, this set up you have here is strange. You have to admit that. You’re acting like her partner. You’re sleeping in her bed, painting her spare room, you’re planning on helping her raise her baby, but you’re not her partner.’  
‘If we’re happy with the arrangement…’  
‘If you’re happy with it, that’s great, but I’m worried you’ll end up getting your heart broken. What if she meets someone else and she leaves you and she takes that baby with her. What will you do then?’  
‘She wouldn’t…’  
‘Why wouldn’t she? You’re not in a relationship. She can date who she likes.’  
Ma’s words were striking a very uncomfortable chord. The thought of Maura leaving was unbearable. ‘What should I do?’ I asked.  
‘Decide what you want.’  
‘And what if she doesn’t want the same thing?’  
‘You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it, but at least you’ll know that you did all you could. Otherwise, you’ll have such awful regrets and I couldn’t stand for you to have that.’  
On an impulse, I came and hugged her from behind. ‘I’m very lucky to have you,’ I said.  
‘Promise me, you’ll think about what I’ve said.’  
‘I promise. We’ll get through these next few weeks and, once the baby’s born, I guess I have some decisions to make.’  
‘Just make sure you decide wisely.’  
I said goodnight to her then and went upstairs to join Maura. She was asleep, lying on her side. I snuggled up behind her, pressing myself against her back. In her sleep, she murmured something and reached behind her to grab my hands and wrap them securely around her.  
‘I love you,’ I whispered into her hair. ‘Both of you.’ I could tell my friend I loved her, couldn’t I?  
Apparently, she wasn’t as asleep as I thought she was because I felt, rather than saw her smile. ‘We love you too.’ She whispered and pressed herself more firmly against me.


	10. Chapter 10

It seemed like Maura was growing bigger with each passing day. I’d never really been around a pregnant woman before, at least not since Ma had had Tommy and I had been too young to remember most of that. I was amazed at all the changes she was going through. It didn’t seem like it should be possible. Maura’s feelings about the whole thing seemed to be similar to mine. Several times, I’d caught her just staring down at herself in disbelief. She was tired all the time too and very uncomfortable. Her skin had lost its glow and she’s started to just look weary.  
She was still insisting on going to work, although she had at least stopped visiting crime scenes with us. The thought of her clambering around in dark alleyways at the moment scared me more than I cared to admit. That did mean that we were apart more than usual at work and I hated to leave her. Whenever we were apart, all I could think about was the possibility of something happening when I wasn’t with her, particularly as her due date grew ever closer.  
There came an evening when she seemed filled with a strange energy. She kept finding errands to run in the house and she was tidying and cleaning every available surface. Ma watched her with a knowing look in her eyes.  
‘What is it?’ I asked in a low voice so Maura wouldn’t hear.  
‘She’s close,’ Ma said. ‘She’s nesting.’  
‘Nesting? She not a bird.’  
‘It means she’s making the house ready for the baby. It’ll happen in the next couple of days, you’ll see.’  
Of course, after that, I really didn’t want her to go to work, but still she insisted, claiming that Ma was wrong. She protested that she still had a couple of weeks until her due date and first babies were usually overdue. They didn’t tend to come early. I pointed out that the baby was not an expert on human biology and may not have realised this, but still she insisted that it wouldn’t come yet.  
That night she hardly slept at all and so I didn’t either. She kept me close to her, pressed against her back or with my head cradled on her shoulder. The baby wouldn’t stop moving and her hands were constantly on her belly, trying to soothe it. In the morning, I begged her to stay at home, even offered to stay at home with her, but she wouldn’t. And, of course, that was the morning we finally caught the Potato Peeler Bandit.  
Korsak and I took him into the interrogation room. The case was so high profile that it was a strictly do not disturb zone. Our phones were left on a table outside. As I put mine down, I got a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach.  
‘Korsak,’ I said. ‘I don’t think I can do this. What if Maura goes into labour and I’m stuck in there?’  
‘We need you in there.’ Was his only response. ‘And it’s not your baby. Cavanaugh won’t look kindly on you missing the interrogation for a baby you’re not related to.’  
I knew he was right, but a large part of me still wanted to protest that it was my baby. Whatever Maura and I were, that baby of hers was my family.  
The interrogation was long, hours long, and I remember almost none of it. I wasn’t focused on the room. Instead, my thoughts were with Maura. I knew she needed me. I don’t know how I knew it, but I knew it. As soon as we finally got a confession, I made a beeline for the door and found Frankie standing right outside.  
‘What’s happened to Maura?’ I asked.  
‘She’s having the baby. They wouldn’t let me come in and get you.’  
‘Where is she?’  
‘She got taken to the hospital a couple of hours ago.’  
I didn’t even pause to answer, just ran for the carpark, cold panic rising in my chest. After a moment, I realised that Frankie was running along behind me. ‘What are you doing?’ I asked.  
‘Driving you there.’  
‘I can drive myself.’  
‘You’re too stressed. You can’t drive like that.’  
I realised that he was right. My hands were shaking and blood was pounding in my ears. I’d never felt this scared before. What if something happened to her? What if something happened to her baby? I tossed Frankie the car keys.  
We drive in silence, breaking just about every speed limit, which was ironic given that he was still in uniform. When we finally arrived, I paused just long enough to kiss him on the cheek to say thank you and then I was running in the direction of the maternity unit. I had a vague impression that Frankie was still running somewhere behind me, but there was no time to pause and wait for him to catch up.  
Once inside, I ran towards the reception desk and said Maura’s name. I was too panicked to think of anything else.  
‘You must be Detective Rizzoli,’ the woman on reception said. ‘Your wife’s in room three.’  
I didn’t even pause to think about the wife part. I was just grateful that they’d let me in. I ran down the corridor until I found room three and then burst through the door. Maura was inside, lying on the bed with a midwife standing next to her. The colour had drained from her face completely and her whole posture spoke of intense pain.  
She was mid-contraction and her scream of pain somehow turned into my name when she saw me. I ran to her and put an arm around her shoulders, trying to give her some support. Her fingers clutched onto my other hand, the nails digging into me with surprising force.  
‘I’m so sorry I’m late,’ I said. ‘So, so sorry.’ There were tears running down my cheeks.  
The contraction passed and she was able to breathe again. ‘It’s ok. You’re here now.’  
‘Your wife is four centimetres dilated,’ The midwife informed me.  
‘Is that good?’  
‘Everything’s progressing well. Slowly, but well.’  
I turned back to Maura. ‘Wife?’ I whispered.  
‘I was worried they wouldn’t let you in so I told them we were married,’ she broke off and squeezed my hand again as another contraction hit her.  
And then there came a timeless time. A time filled with Maura’s screams and midwives muttering things I didn’t understand and a time filled with my own terror and Maura seemed to get weaker and weaker and to be in more and more pain. I wanted to help her, to take her pain, but there was nothing at all I could do, just be with her and hold her and try to somehow get her through it. Hours passed. Day turned into night turned into day again and still she was screaming and still there was no baby. Phrases I did understand were being bandied around now, phrases I didn’t want to hear like ‘emergency c-section.’ Maura didn’t want that either and I could feel her heart beating faster and faster as she held onto me.  
Suddenly something changed and everyone was telling her to push. She was sobbing, her face turned into my arm. ‘I can’t,’ she was whispering over and over again. ‘I can’t do it anymore.’  
I got up onto the bed behind her so that her back was fully against me and I put my arms on either side of her, gripping her hands with my own. ‘Yes you can,’ I said. ‘I know you can. Just one more push, Maura, please.’  
‘I can’t, I can’t,’ she was sobbing, but then her sobs turned into a scream which was so loud it seemed to rip the air in two. She was leaning back hard against me, her hands gripping mine, and then, in a hot slippery rush of blood and liquid, another person was in the room.  
Maura sagged back into me as they put the baby on her chest. She reached up and cradled her, tentatively at first and then more confidently, letting the baby snuggle against her chest. And then Maura was laughing and crying all at the same time and I was too.  
‘You did it,’ I whispered. I couldn’t process it. How could there be a brand new human being here, someone who was part Maura and yet uniquely herself? I looked down at the baby and felt a wave of love like I’d never experienced before. It was a pure love, a selfless love. She looked like Maura in miniature with the same gentle eyes and heart-shaped features. Al I wanted in the world was to protect her and look after her and keep her safe.  
‘I love you,’ I said to both of them. ‘I love you so, so much.’  
Maura half turned then and looked up at me. Without thinking at all, I leaned down and kissed her. It was a quick kiss, a chaste kiss, but a kiss filled with promise and longing, and the contact was enough to send jolts of electricity racing through me. I felt Maura gasp into my mouth as she kissed me back without hesitation.


	11. Chapter 11

We pulled back from each other, smiling shyly. I felt suddenly awkward, like I didn’t know what to do. In her arms, the baby was starting to move, snuggling in closer against her, and she turned back to her child, dropping a kiss on her head.  
I reached out around Maura and touched the baby’s face. Her skin was unbelievably soft and I felt like I could have just stared at her forever. ‘I feel like I know her already,’ I whispered, my face pressed against Maura’s hair.  
‘You do,’ Maura said. ‘You’ve had all these months to get to know her. Studies have shown that infants can recognise their parents’ voices from birth.’  
‘Parents?’  
‘Most babies have two of them and, if you’re not her second parent, I don’t know who is.’  
At that, my heart seemed to melt into a small puddle of goo. Maura had turned sideways to give me better access to the baby. I took her and felt her small body moulding itself against me, trying to get as close as possible. I kissed her head, breathing her in, surprised to find that tears were still streaming down my cheeks.   
Maura was pressed up against my side and the two of us lay back on the bed together so we were half sitting, with the baby nestled in between us.  
‘What do you think of her?’ Maura asked.  
I was almost too overcome with emotion to speak. Eventually I managed ‘She’s perfect. She’s so perfect.’  
‘Thank you for helping through that.’ Maura said.  
I didn’t reply, just put an arm around her shoulders while still supporting the baby with the other one. ‘What are you going to call her?’ I asked. I knew she had a name picked out, but she had refused to say it out loud before the baby was born for fear of bad luck.  
‘Freya,’ she said.  
‘Freya,’ I looked down at the baby, trying the name out, and it seemed perfect. It was unusual and beautiful and unique just like her. ‘I’ve never met a Freya before.’  
‘It’s after the ancient Icelandic goddess of love. You know I’ve always been a fan of Norse writings and I’m determined that she will be loved.’  
‘Freya Isles. It’s a good name.’  
‘Freya Jane Isles,’ Maura said, looking up at me with a grin.  
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It was only a few hours before I was allowed to take them both home. We carried Freya out to the car and then I spent far too long checking and double checking that her carry-cot was strapped in and safe. When I finally started to drive, I don’t think I went above 10 miles an hour the whole way home because I was so scared of jolting her. And, all the way home, I had the biggest grin on my face. This was my life now, this was my family, there were three of us. I was already imagining the future; teaching her to ride a bike, taking her to school, showing her the world for the first time. Neither Maura nor I had mentioned the kiss. I was worried that it had been the result of all the hormones rushing through both of us, afraid that she hadn’t really wanted to kiss me. I wasn’t sure what our relationship was yet, but I was sure that I would be a part of Freya’s life, that she would grow up calling herself my daughter.  
My daughter. I looked over at Maura. Our daughter. Now that was something that it was going to take a while to wrap my mind around.  
Once home, we were met by a chorus of Ma’s squeals and she, Frankie, Tommy, Frost and Korsak all came running outside to meet us. And that set the tone for the next few days. The house became a mass of people, all fawning over Maura and the baby. It was all very sweet, but, in truth I couldn’t wait until I could have them to myself again.  
I came to cherish the late evenings and early mornings when the three of us would be in bed together, Maura and I curled up around Freya, fussing over her and playing with her. I might have been imagining it, but I started to see her personality coming through. I was seeing her less and less as an extension of Maura and more and more as a person in her own right. A person who I loved.  
It was a week or more before the house was entirely free of visitors. I came home from work to find only a blissful silence. Maura was stretched out on the sofa in the living room, the baby sleeping on her chest. My heart seemed to turn over at the sight of them; everything I ever needed was right there in front of me.  
I walked over and, leaning over them, dropped a kiss on Maura’s forehead and another on Freya’s. We still hadn’t spoken about the kiss in the hospital; Maura had been so tired and I hadn’t wanted to stress her out any further. In truth I was also scared, but I didn’t know what I was scared of. The thought that the kiss had been just something hormonal was unbearable and the thought that it might have been leading towards a relationship was something which I found utterly terrifying. I had faced down serial killers and looked down the barrel of a gun more times that I cared to count, but the idea that I might one day be in a position to make love to my best friend was by far the scariest thing I had ever contemplated. This was Maura, who I loved more than anything in the world. I couldn’t bear the thought that I might someday hurt her without meaning too, that we might have a relationship and that it might end. Better to keep things at the level they were. To have her and yet not have her. To have her in a way which would stop me from hurting her.  
Except the current level which things were at was impossible to preserve. It was an in-between level, a together but not level, a level which was in flux.  
At my touch, Maura took hold of one of my hands in one of hers and kissed my knuckles, her lips lingering longer than they should. ‘How are my girls today?’ I asked. Keeping our hands joined, I went to sit at the other end of the sofa, but her feet, but she pulled me back towards her again.  
‘Not so far away,’ she said, and, with a bit of mutual readjustment, I found myself sitting behind her, cradling her in my arms, with her head on my shoulder. The baby still slept, nestled into her chest. We’d become so much more physical ever since the kiss. I just wanted to be holding her all the time and it seemed like she felt the same.  
‘I missed you at work.’ I said.  
‘I missed you too.’ Maura said and then looked down at the baby in her arms. ‘Can’t say I’m missing work yet though.’  
‘Good,’ I said and, without thinking, pressed another kiss into her hair. ‘You should enjoy Freya all you can. Ma always said that babies grow up far too fast.’  
Maura didn’t reply for a moment. She had that expression in her eyes which means that she’s thinking something important for the first time, kind of like when we finally crack a case. ‘What did you imagine for your life?’ She said at last.  
‘How come? What did you imagine for yours?’  
‘All kinds of things. I used to think of so many things I could do; being a doctor, travelling the world, all the new people I could meet and places I could see. I even wanted to be an acrobat for a while.’  
‘I’m sure you would have been a very good acrobat.’  
‘The one thing I never thought of really was this. Being a mother. Having a family. It’s something that I’ve only started to want in the last year or so.’  
‘And now?’  
‘And now…’ she hesitated. ‘I’m finding it incredibly satisfying. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.’ She turned her head and looked up at me. ‘How about you, Detective? What did you dream of? Solving bloody murders?’  
I shook my head. ‘Not really. That came later, once I’d decided not to go to college. And I love it, but wasn’t always what I dreamed of.’  
‘Then what did you imagine for your life?’  
‘I looked down at the two of them in my arms and decided that the time had come for honesty. ‘This.’ I said.  
I felt her sort of melt against me then. She turned sideways and pressed a kiss to my cheek. I moved my head down, aiming for her forehead at the same time that she tried to go for my cheek again. We both misjudged the distances and, somehow, our lips found each other. The contact was brief, but enough to set my skin tingling. We pulled away at the same time, giggling a little shyly. Maura looked as though she was about to say something, but our movements seemed to have woken Freya who started crying with a vengeance. With an apologetic look in her eyes, Maura turned to the baby. I leaned back against the sofa cushions, wondering what on earth I was going to do.


	12. Chapter 12

Something had changed between us. We were becoming more tactile with each other, always trading little touches and glances. I couldn’t sit next to her now without reaching out for her, couldn’t walk beside her without my hand finding its way to hers or to the small of her back. There were expressions in her eyes which I couldn’t read, things about the way she looked at me which scared me and excited me in equal measure. We were becoming insular too; everything was about the two of us and the baby. My world had been reduced to the two of them and I didn’t even care. That was the only world I wanted. My terror was still ever present though. How could I ever take the next step with her? How did I deserve such a remarkable creature? It was inconceivable to me that she could ever want me the way I wanted her.  
And I did want her. That had become increasingly apparent to me now. Any doubts I had came from my own prejudices, my own worries about identifying as something which was somehow different from the norm. People had always just assumed I was straight and I had always assumed it myself. It made things much easier. Except clearly I wasn’t being true to myself when I made those assumptions. I was anything but straight. I’d never had feelings for any man which came anywhere near my feelings for Maura.  
It was becoming harder and harder to not act on those feelings. Everything she did seemed to drive me wild with a need for her. The sight of her doing the most menial of tasks became enthralling. The sight of her holding the baby was enough to melt my heart into a small pile of goo. Big tough Rizzoli was gone and in her place was a woman I hardly knew. A woman who wanted nothing more than to spend her evenings snuggled under a duvet with the person she loved, a woman who cried the first time she heard a baby laugh, a woman who drove miles out of her way to pick up her best friend’s favourite type of chocolate brownie and enjoyed every second of it. This woman was going to take some getting used to, but I found I was starting to like her a lot.  
There came a Saturday when Freya and I were alone in the house. Maura had gone out for coffee with some friends and I’d opted not to go to give her a break from baby sitting duties. Freya was sleeping in her carry cot under the living room windows while I sat on the other side of the room, frowning at my long neglected cold case reports. Without warning, Freya started to cry.  
I stood up and went to her and that was when the most wonderful thing I’d ever seen happened. As soon as I got close enough for her to see, her crying stopped and the biggest smile spread over her face. She looked right at me and I suddenly realised that she’d stopped crying just because it was me. She’d been crying because she missed me. That was enough to start me crying. I picked her up and held her tight against me. In that moment, I knew; she had my heart and she wasn’t ever going to let it go.  
‘Jane.’ Maura’s voice came from behind me. She’d obviously let herself in without me noticing. There was a small frown of concern on her face as she saw my tears. ‘Is everything ok?’  
I couldn’t speak and just nodded instead.  
‘What’s happened?’ she asked, still concerned.  
‘She smiled at me.’ I finally managed to get out. ‘She started smiling just because she saw me.’  
And then there were tears in Maura’s eyes too as she came over and put her arms around the both of us, head on my shoulder so that Freya was nestled in between us. For a moment, I just breathed them both in, realising that I’d never been this happy before.  
Maura pulled back then and led us over to the sofa. She sat, facing Freya and I, her hands resting on my knees. ‘Jane, can I ask you something?’  
‘Of course.’  
‘Answer me honestly, do you love Freya? It’s fine if you don’t. I know she’s not yours, but I just need to know.’  
I was staring at her, amazed that she didn’t know the answer already. ‘I love her so much, Maura. I didn’t know I could love like this.’  
Maura was smiling now. ‘In that case, I’ve been thinking. I’m not sure what you and I are. All I know is that I love you…’  
‘I love you too…’ I started to say more, but she cut me off.  
‘I don’t want to talk about us yet. I need to sort things out for Freya first.’  
‘Sort things out?’  
‘I’m worried about what would happen to her if anything were to happen to me. She doesn’t have a father so her next of kin is my mother. I love my mother, but I’m not sure I agree with the way she raised me. She was remote, distant, nothing like your family. There was no fun. I was never sure I was loved.’  
My heart broke for her a little bit. ‘Maura…’  
‘I want her to have a family like yours, Jane.’  
‘She does. She has my family. Ma’s practically adopted her.’  
‘Well, that’s what I wanted to talk about.’  
‘You want Ma to adopt her?’  
‘No, Jane.’ She looked into my eyes then and I was surprised at the intensity I found there. ‘I want you to adopt her. I want her to have two legal parents, you and me. Then, if anything did happen to me, she would be yours and no one could take her away from you. I know it’s a huge thing I’m asking and, if you say no, I’ll understand. I’d rather you said no than for you to say yes and not be sure. I…’  
But it was my turn to cut her off now. ‘Yes.’  
It took her a moment to register my words and stop speaking, but when she did, there was wild hope in her eyes. ‘What did you say?’  
‘I said yes. It would be an honour to be Freya’s parent along with you.’ The tears were really streaming down my cheeks now and Maura was crying too. We reached out for each other, pulling each other into a messy embrace, clinging together like nothing else mattered in the whole world. Between us, our daughter was sleeping peacefully. Our daughter. My daughter. Mine and Maura’s. Now that was a thing I could get used to saying.  
‘Girls?’ Ma had come in from the guesthouse and was looking at us with some concern.  
I grinned up at her, brushing the tears from my face. ‘Hi, Grandma,’ I said.


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as I woke up, I realised that something felt different. It was cold. Usually, the heat of Maura’s body was pressed up against my back of my shoulder, but not today. Today the bed was empty. I didn’t like it at all. Rolling over, I reached out for her, finding only empty space.  
‘Love…?’ I mumbled, not even registering what I was saying.  
‘I’m here.’ Her voice came from the other side of the room. I opened my eyes to find her standing at the open window, silhouetted against the starlight.  
‘What’s the matter?’ I asked, struggling into a sitting position.  
‘I didn’t mean to wake you.’  
‘That’s ok.’ I saw her shiver and I got out of bed, grabbing a blanket from off the top of the bed. I wrapped it around her shoulders and stood behind her. She pressed herself back into me and my arms came up and around her waist. Her hands were on mine then, our fingers intertwined.  
‘Maura?’ I asked again, chin on her should, face pressed into her hair. She was wearing a new perfume and her hair smelt of sunshine and jasmine blossoms.  
‘I’m worried about tomorrow.’  
‘The Christening?’  
‘Yes. I always get so nervous when I host things like that. And it’s the first time my parents will meet Freya…’  
‘They’re going to love her.’  
‘I don’t know, Jane. It’s not a conventional set up we have here. They might not approve.’  
‘Sweetheart, they’ll just want you to be happy.’  
‘Maybe…’  
‘You are happy, aren’t you?’  
She turned in my arms and pressed her face into my chest. ‘Very happy.’  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next time I awoke, the bed was cold again. It was morning now and she was standing by her walk-in wardrobe, more clothes than I owned pooled around her feet. She was currently clad in just her underwear, surveying the rack of clothes in front of her.  
The breath caught in my throat. Despite our closeness over the past few months, we’d somehow managed to largely avoid seeing each other in a state of undress. Now though, I couldn’t look away. Her skin was smooth and seemed to glow with health. Her hair was cascading down over her bare shoulders. Her waist curved inwards to perfectly formed hips. All I wanted to do was touch and yet something was keeping me pinned to the bed. The terror of hurting her, of pushing her too far was back.  
She still hadn’t realised I was awake and she began pulling a pale yellow dress over her head. It clung to her in interesting ways and made me want to go to her even more. She felt my gaze on her then and turned to face me.  
‘Have you been awake long?’ She asked.  
I shook my head, not wanting her to know I’d been staring.  
‘What do you think?’ She gestured at the dress.  
‘I think you look beautiful.’  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Her mother arrived an hour before the ceremony, carried into the building in a cloud of Chanel no 5. Constance kissed Maura on the cheek, peered at the baby and offered a cursory ‘congratulations.’ Inside, I was fuming already. Freya was two months old now. How could this woman have avoided coming to see her own daughter and grandchild for so long?  
It seemed like Ma had similar feelings because she took Freya from Maura in a gesture which seemed to imply ownership and started extolling all of Freya’s virtues to Constance. Constance though was looking back and forth between Ma and Maura.  
‘You’ve been quite involved then?’ She asked Ma.  
And Ma who never knew when to think before she spoke replied ‘of course I have. I love Maura. And anyway, Freya’s my grandbaby now that Jane’s adopting her.’  
The full force of Constance’s glare was turned on me then. ‘Adopting her? But where is the child’s father?’  
‘I’m not…’ Maura hesitated. ‘We’re not together.’  
‘And you think Detective Rizzoli is an appropriate replacement.’  
Maura seemed to wilt a little under Constance’s gaze, but she managed to rally enough to look her mother in the eyes and say ‘Yes, mother, I do.’  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was a relief to enter the little church and be momentarily free of Constance’s glares. Even she knew she had to control herself in such a public space. Maura and I stood together at the altar, Freya squirming in Maura’s arms, clearly uncomfortable in the elaborate christening gown she was wearing. I had my arm around Maura’s waist, not caring what Constance thought of that.  
The priest took Freya and splashed water onto her forehead. Straight away, she started to cry, but the priest continued speaking in a loud clear voice. ‘I name this child Freya Jane Rizzoli-Isles.’  
Tears sprang into my eyes. All I seemed to do these days was cry. I hadn’t realised that my name was going to be in there. ‘Maura, are you sure?’ I whispered.  
‘I’ve never been more sure of anything,’ she said.


	14. Chapter 14

The whole Rizzoli clan was gathered around Maura and Freya. Ma, Frankie and Tommy were taking it in turns to congratulate her and fuss over the baby, all of them as moved as I was over the name. It was the first time there had been a new Rizzoli since Tommy.  
Constance stood at a distance, aloof from them and from the other guests, glare fixed in place. Every so often, Maura would glance back at her, apprehension in her eyes. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I took Constance by the elbow and dragged her into Maura’s kitchen, away from prying eyes.  
‘Whatever you think of me,’ I said. ‘Please can you save it for tomorrow? Just let Maura have today. Let her enjoy her daughter without you glaring at her. And you might want to stop glaring long enough to enjoy her too.’  
Constance turned on me. ‘Just what exactly is the nature of your relationship with my daughter?’ She asked, ice in every syllable.  
‘We’re…’ I hesitated. ‘I love her.’  
This didn’t seem to be enough for Constance. ‘Are the two of you intimately involved?’  
And suddenly I could see where Maura got her occasional lack of tact. ‘No…’ I muttered, feeling like a teenager who’s just been caught with her fingers in her mother’s wallet.  
‘But you live here?’  
‘Yes.’  
‘You share her bed?’  
‘I don’t think that’s relevant.’  
‘It’s extremely relevant. Do you share my daughter’s bed?’  
‘Yes.’  
‘And you’ve adopted my grandchild/’  
‘Yes.’  
And that was when I saw something like fury in Constance’s eyes. ‘And yet you haven’t had the decency to give her the security of being in a relationship with you?’  
‘Mrs. Isles…’  
She held up a finger to silence me. ‘You’re using her, Detective. You’re taking everything that you want from this arrangement and you’re refusing to commit to her enough to have a relationship.’  
‘It’s not like that.’  
‘Well it looks like that from the outside. You’ve got her to sign her child over to you whilst still leaving you free to pursue other relationships.’  
‘I would never…’  
She cut me off again. ‘You’re a coward.’  
And then Ma was in the room. ‘What did you call my daughter?’  
‘Ma, leave it,’ I protested, worried that Maura would hear and come in.  
Ma wasn’t listening. ‘What did you call my daughter?’ She asked again.  
‘I called her a coward,’ Constance said. ‘Because she refuses to commit to my daughter.’  
To my surprise, Ma’s anger seemed to dissipate. ‘Couldn’t agree with you more.’ She said and she took Constance’s arm and led her from the room.  
I sagged against the kitchen counter, feeling about three inches tall. The worst thing was, I knew they were both right.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dinner was awkward. Or at least it was for me. We were all faking happiness enough that Maura didn’t notice, but Ma and Constance were both shooting me glares at every possible opportunity. Afterwards, I excused myself and retreated into the kitchen on the pretext of doing the washing up.  
I was a coward. I knew that I wouldn’t leave Maura, that I wouldn’t leave her, but she didn’t know that. And I was fairly sure that she wanted a relationship with me. I’d caught her staring at me sometimes and the few chaste kisses we’d shared had been electric. And she’d come back to Boston after that year she’d spent in London. I still didn’t really know why she’d come back or even why she’d left in the first place, but I’d been hoping recently that the coming back at least had something to do with me.  
‘Jane?’   
My heart started to thud in my chest so loudly that I was worried my whole body would rattle. Surely, she must be able to hear it even from the other side of the room.  
‘Jane, are you ok?’  
Slowly, I put down the plate I was scrubbing and peeled off the rubber gloves. I had the strangest feeling. It was as though this moment, right here, was one of the pivotal moments of my life, one of the moments my fate was decided. I could claim I was fine and send her back to the party next door. I could let the moment pass and, this evening, once everyone had left would be like any other; good, but nothing compared to what could be. I realised then that that would be the cowardly thing to do. And I wasn’t a coward.  
I turned to face her, time seeming to slow down. There was only a metre between us, but it felt like the longest distance on earth.   
‘Jane?’ she asked again.  
‘Don’t say anything,’ I whispered.  
‘Why not?’  
‘Because, if you do, I won’t be able to do this.’  
She looked like she was about to speak again, but then though better of it. Instead, she just looked at me, lips slightly parted eyes travelling up and down my body, chest rising and falling more rapidly than usual.  
‘You are so very beautiful.’ My voice had a tone I’d never heard before, low and husky and intimate.  
I saw her swallow, but she managed to stop herself from saying anything. In her eyes was an invitation.  
On legs which were suddenly shaking, I took one step forward and then another until there were only millimetres between us.  
‘I love you so much,’ I said and then my hands found their way to her waist and pulled her in even closer. Our lips crashed together and, for a moment, all was a confusion on lips and tongue and teeth and then we found a kind of messy rhythm. It wasn’t a glamourous kiss. What it was, was a kiss full of mutual need and hunger and urgency and too many years of not kissing. She was gasping into my mouth, her hands tangling in my hair, pressing us together as much as she could. My hands were running up and down her back, frantically scrabbling for the zip on her dress, wanting to make contact with bare skin.  
In that moment, I felt the happiest I had ever been and then, without warning, reality came crashing down onto me again. This wasn’t some random person I’d picked up in a bar, this was Maura, my best friend, the person I loved most in all the world. And, with that, the terror was back and I couldn’t do it, couldn’t risk messing things up and hurting her.  
I pulled back, trying to ignore the look of confusion and hurt on her face.  
‘I’m sorry, Maura,’ I stammered. ‘I’m so, so sorry…’ And then I was running, out through the back door and into the street beyond.


	15. Chapter 15

She didn’t come after me. I went back to my own apartment for the first time in months and threw myself onto my sofa, filled with the strongest anger I had ever known. And all of it was directed at me. To have run out on her like that was unforgivable. And I was scared too. Scared that I’d lost my child, my wife. Because she was my wife. I could see that now. In every way that mattered, we had been married for years. She and Freya were the only things that made me happy and now I’d blown it. I’d pushed them away out of fear.  
I picked up a vase from the table and hurled it at the wall. It smashed into tiny pieces and the violence brought momentary relief from the hurt I was feelings. A glass was next and then a china bowl.  
‘Jane Clementine Rizzoli!’ There was no mistaking that voice. Ma was standing in the doorway, radiating fury. I’d never seen her look so angry. ‘Maura’s in tears.’ It was then that I noticed she was holding the baby.  
‘Let me see Freya,’ I said.  
But Ma held her away from me. ‘No. I’ve brought her here so you can go over there and make things right with Maura. I don’t know what you did, but you’d better sort it out.’  
‘Ma I can’t go over there.’  
‘What are you going to do instead? Smash up the rest of your apartment?’  
‘I was awful to Maura.’  
‘And that’s why you’re going over there.’  
She’d picked up my coat and was throwing it at me, propelling me forcefully out of the door.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I let myself into Maura’s house and crept along the hallway, not sure what I’d find. My heart was hammering in my chest, my hands were slick with sweat. Facing down Boston’s scariest mobsters was less terrifying than this.  
She was in the living room, seated on the very edge of the sofa, back straight, knees together like they’d taught her in that fancy finishing school of hers. I could see her chest rise and fall, her breathing uneven.  
‘Maura,’ I said.  
She didn’t look at me. ‘Am I that repulsive to you that one kiss sends you running for the door?’  
I hated myself for making her feel that way. I came around the front of the sofa and knelt on the ground in front of her. ‘Maura, I am so sorry. I panicked. I’d never felt quite so much before and I didn’t know what to do.’  
Her eyes met mine and they were filled with vulnerability. ‘But wasn’t it…’ she paused. ‘Nice?’ she finished, lamely.  
‘More than nice,’ I took her hands in my own, rubbing my thumbs back and forth across her hands. ‘It was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced.’  
‘Jane, you’re shaking.’  
‘I’m shaking because I’m so damn scared, Maura.’  
‘Scared?’ She pulled me up onto the sofa now and I sat facing her, our knees touching. ‘Scared of me?’  
‘Of us. Of losing you, of hurting you, of doing something wrong and pushing you away.’ I took a deep breath and plunged onwards. ‘You see, I think you might be the love of my life and I can’t bear to think about what would happen if I mess this up.’  
‘What about if I mess this up?’  
‘What do you mean?’  
She was sitting closer to me now, her eyes very intense. ‘I mean, this isn’t all on you. I think you might be the love of my life too and I’m worried about the same things you are, but we can’t let ourselves be governed by fear. Relationships take work. Not everything is going to be easy, but I think it’s going to be worth it if we can just be brave enough to let ourselves take the next step.’  
‘I don’t know how to do that,’ I said. ‘I don’t know how to get past the fear.’  
She smiled slightly. ‘Then let me show you.’ And with that she was leaning in even closer and she brought her lips to mine in the gentlest kiss I’d ever experienced.   
‘That wasn’t so hard, was it?’ She said as she pulled back.  
I replied by kissing her again. The fear was still there, but it was manageable somehow. ‘Am I really the love of your life?’ I asked.  
‘Don’t you know that by now?’ She said. ‘It’s why I came back from England. I couldn’t bear to be without you even if you only wanted to be friends. And it’s why I left.’  
‘Why you left?’  
‘Remember when Tommy asked me out? I turned him down because I liked him, but I loved you?’  
‘I remember.’  
‘When I said I loved you, you didn’t seem to want anything more than friendship and it was so hard for me to be around you feeling the way I felt and not acting on it, so I left. And then I realised that being apart from you was even harder.’  
There were tears in my eyes now. ‘Oh Maura, sweetheart, I didn’t realise. I thought you meant you loved me as a friend. I never meant to cause you pain.’  
She was still smiling. ‘Well, we got there in the end and England gave us Freya so everything’s turned out for the best.’  
‘it really has,’ I said as she kissed me again.


	16. Chapter 16

Five years earlier...

The lab was quiet. Dr. Gabriel had always listened to music while he worked. I’d liked the old man. He was always willing to chat and offer a friendly cup of tea when I sat in on his autopsies. His retirement party last week had left me feeling more emotional than I wanted to admit. I was going to miss him. I’d met a lot of medical examiners in the past and Dr. Gabriel was the only one I’ve ever liked. The others had all been stuck up know-it-alls. Far too clever and wealthy to take much notice of the likes of me.  
‘Hello?’ I called out, annoyed with this new medical examiner already. Where was he hiding? Why did he like to work in silence?  
The figure who emerged from Dr. Gabriel’s office was not who I’d been expecting. He was a she for a start. Small and honey blond with a heart-shaped face and a pair of completely impractical high heels. Her dress was figure hugging and clearly designer. She looked the type to judge me for my lack of make-up.  
‘Can I help you?’ She said, her accent educated, her manner professional.  
‘Detective Jane Rizzoli.’ I held out my hand to her.  
‘Dr. Maura Isles.’ She took my hand with a surprisingly firm grip and smiled at me.  
It’s strange, you never notice the moments which change your life until after they’ve happened.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
‘Do you remember how we became friends?’ I asked. We’re curled up together in her bed, our bed. It’s maybe an hour since we kissed on the sofa. We’ve kissed some more and moved in here to be more comfortable. I’m on my back, while she’s on her side, tucked in against me, head on my shoulders, one hand tracing lazy circles on my stomach. By unspoken agreement, we’re not rushing this. It’s taken us years to get this far and right now we just want to savour every second.  
‘I remember,’ she said, punctuating her words with a kiss to my shoulder ‘a particularly annoyed Detective who wanted her friend, Dr. Gabriel back.’  
I laughed and wrapped my arms around her even more securely. ‘I definitely never saw this coming.’  
She looked up at me then. ‘I did.’  
‘Really?’  
‘Once I realised I was in love with you, I knew that there wouldn’t be anyone else for me. I’d be with you or I’d be by myself and that was ok. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else.’  
‘When did you realise you were in love with me?’  
She pauses to think. ‘When we went undercover in that lesbian bar. You stayed over here and we fell asleep together. When I woke up the next morning and saw you there, I knew that I wanted to wake up like that every morning.’  
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’  
‘You were always so aggressively straight. I didn’t want to risk pushing you away.’  
‘I’m sorry about that.’ I kissed her head and thought about her words. ‘Aggressively straight’ was the right way of putting it. I was always so set against anyone even entertaining the idea that I might be gay that I’d declared my straightness at every opportunity. It was something which had started years ago, back in primary school. I’d always been tough, always one of the boys and kids had started to make comments which I hadn’t liked so I’d set out to prove them wrong. And I’d decided that I might as well be straight since I was hardly ever attracted to anyone anyway.  
Maura had propped herself up on one elbow and was looking at me with some concern. ‘Jane, are you ok? You’ve gone very quiet.’  
I kissed her, revelling in the fact that I could just kiss her now, whenever I wanted, like it was no big deal at all, even though it was really the biggest deal in the world. ‘I was just thinking about how I’m not sure I’ve ever really been attracted to someone until you. Is that strange?’  
She shook her head. ‘Not really. Sexual desire is on a continuum, much like everything else. Some people feel it more often than others.’  
‘But you…?’  
She laughed. ‘Oh, I feel attraction easily enough. It’s emotional commitments which I struggle with. I’ve never loved anyone before you.’  
‘I can love, but usually the desire isn’t there. it’s here now, but I didn’t realise I was attracted to you for the longest time.’  
She had her doctor’s face on now as she reached down and stroked my hair. ‘Jane, I think you might be demi sexual. I’ve thought it for a while now.’  
‘Demi sexual? I’ve never even heard of that.’  
‘It’s quite rare. It just means that you don’t experience sexual attraction until you’ve formed a close emotional attachment to the person in question. That’s why you fell in love with me platonically first, but you’re attracted to me now.’  
It did seem plausible. IN a way, it was quite a relief to know that there was a word for it, that other people had similar experiences. ‘And you’re ok with that?’  
‘Of course I am. It’s really quite flattering actually, that you feel attracted to me when you don’t often feel that way.’  
She was kissing me then and those unfamiliar feelings of attraction were back in full force.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I was woken by the sound of the bedroom door being pushed open. I stiffened, instantly alert, but the door opened fully to reveal Ma standing there, silhouetted in the early morning light. Maura, still asleep, snuggled closer into my chest.  
‘Ma, what are you doing?’ I hissed.  
She’d come fully into the room now and there were tears in her eyes. ‘Janie, are you…? Did you…?’  
I could feel myself flushing bright red. ‘We’re together, Ma.’  
‘Did you…?’  
‘I’m not going into details.’ I said through gritted teeth.  
She was right by the bed now and I felt strangely vulnerable. ‘Please don’t wake Maura,’ I mumbled.  
‘I’m so happy you’ve finally seen sense. I love you both.’ she whispered and then leaned down to kiss first me and then Maura on the forehead. ‘I’ll make you girls some breakfast.’ And with that she was gone.  
Maura stirred sleepily. ‘Was your mother just in here?’  
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘She says she loves you and she kissed you on the forehead. That probably means that, in her head, we’re engaged now.’  
Maura grinned at me. ‘I would be ok with that,’ she said and I couldn’t tell if she was joking.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick epilogue to finish. Thank you so much for all your lovely comments on this - they're very much appreciated!

Three years later…

Freya was tugging at my hand. At three years old, she was Maura in miniature; all almond coloured eyes and honey blond hair with the same earnest expression. She was uncommonly bright and more than a little bit nerdy. I liked to think that something of me had rubbed off on her too. She had a healthy disregard for the rules (which drove Maura mad) and a wicked, impish sense of humour.   
‘Come on, Ma!’ She said, impatiently. When she’d first learned to talk, she’d called me Jane to avoid confusion, but she’d taken matters into her own hands about a year ago and started calling both of us mummy. We’d eventually compromised and now Maura was mummy and I was Ma.  
‘I’m coming, sweetheart,’ I said. I’d never been any good at walking in heels and I really wasn’t going fast enough for Freya’s liking. She was beyond excited; partly because of the elaborate powder blue dress she was wearing (she definitely had Maura’s love of all things fashion0, partly because she was getting to be a bridesmaid, but mostly because the hairstylists had just used hairspray on her for the first time ever. I didn’t personally understand why this was so exciting – the stuff smelled foul – but then I wasn’t three years old. I was fast learning that the three year old perspective on events tended to be somewhat unusual.   
Freya led me down the hall and into the living room where Ma and Frankie and Tommy were all waiting. My brothers looked uncomfortable in suits. My mother, in an oversized, vividly pink fascinator was beaming from ear to ear. When she saw me, she immediately burst into tears.   
‘Janie!’ She shouted, and launched herself at me. Somewhere along the way, she picked up Freya and the three of us ended up trapped in a kind of bear hug.  
‘Janie,’ Ma was saying. ‘You look beautiful. Boys, doesn’t she look beautiful?’  
Frankie and Tommy crowded round us agreeing with Ma in a slightly embarrassed way. To my astonishment, a tear was rolling down Frankie’s cheek too.  
‘You crying, little brother?’ I teased him with a playful punch to the arm.  
‘No,’ he muttered and turned his face away.  
Tommy was shuffling his feet awkwardly, also looking suspiciously red around the eyes ‘We just didn’t know if the two of you would ever get here. You were both so…’  
‘Pig-headed.’ Ma finished for him.  
‘Thanks.’ I said.  
‘Well, you were.’ She took my arm and led me to the mirror on the other side of the room/ Look at yourself, Janie. Remember every detail of this day.’  
I did look and I found myself smiling. I’d never liked wearing dresses, I hated traditions like this and white didn’t suit me at all, and yet, I’d never felt happier. I realised that I felt so happy because all of this was for her. Maura was my world and being able to announce that for the whole world to see was something wonderful.  
‘It’s time,’ Frankie said, taking Freya’s hand in his ad steering me by the elbow with his other hand.  
‘Where’s Maura?’ I asked ‘We’re not meant to see each other before.’  
‘She’s already left,’ Frankie said. ‘She looked…’ he hesitated and then finished with ‘you’re a very lucky woman.’  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Frankie and Freya and I were waiting in the entranceway to the church. Ma and Tommy had already gone in to find their seats, but Frankie was playing the role of father since Pop hadn’t been interested and Freya was eagerly waiting to walk behind me down the aisle. Maura had wanted Freya to come in with me to show everyone in the room that we were truly both her parents (not that I think anyone was doubting it).  
As the door into the church opened, Frankie took my arm. ‘Nervous?’ he asked.  
I know that I should have been. I’d expected to be terrified, but somehow I wasn’t at all. How could I be nervous about something I was so certain of? ‘Excited.’ I replied.  
And then we were walking, Frankie and me in front, Freya behind. For a moment, I concentrated on her, checking that she knew what to do.  
‘Look,’ Frankie said, glancing forwards. ‘Don’t miss this moment.’  
I did look and there she was. Maura. A vision in a white backless gown, smiling wider than I’d ever seen her smile. Waiting for me and only me. And then I was crying, tears of happiness splashing down my cheeks, as I walked forwards, into my future.


End file.
